Your life with Ron Weasley with Commentary
by funkyorange
Summary: Full title: Your Life With Ron Weasley With Commentary By a Weirdo. Second in my 'Commentary by a Weirdo' series. Read My Immortal With Commentary by A Weirdo first. Rated for language  mostly mine . Note: I did mean horror, yes.
1. In which we meet Tara's child

_Hi guys,_

_This story is My Immortal Jr. If you haven't read my, My Immortal story, half of the comments in here won't make sense. Or just read My Immortal with Commentary by someone else. (That's not their name, I'm just saying.) But check My Immortal out first._

_Here's the 'gottik' funkyorange, signing out. _

_PS: I wish you luck with this insult to humanity's collective IQ._

Aothors **Oh, the first word is spelt wrong. Not good. **note; ok! Leik sooo high guyz!dis iz my now fanficton!so it is caled: You're life with Ron Wesley!

Sooooo leik im a hugeeeee harry potter fan! I think dat Rupert grift is totally the hawtest guy evar! ^_^

I leik love how his hair iz like red, and it leik gos over his eyes alittle. It makes him look alittle emo, but nawt 2 emo so its god!

BTW, a luv emo boiz there sooooooooo hawt and coot! Im also emo! I cutt my rist sumtimes, and I just died my hair blak! Itz really really really coot!

Ok! Sooooooooooo I should probly start da story now1! Looololloll. **Author's note: Okay! Like, hi guys! This is my first fanfiction so it's called: Your life with Ron Weasley! So, like, I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan! I think that Rupert Grint is totally the hottest guy ever! I like love how his hair is like red (oh...my...god...), and it like (if you stop saying that, I may not kill you. I promise *fingers are crossed behind back*) goes over his eyes a little. It makes him look a little emo, but not too emo so it's good. (Why she put God, we shall never know.) By the way, I love emo boys they're so hot and cute! I'm also emo! (My Immortal Jr., anyone?) I cut my wrist sometimes, and I just dyed my hair black! It's really, really, really cute! Okay! So I should probably start the story now! *Laughs out lound*.**

I just woke up! **Riveting beginning. Really sucks you in. **I puled bak the curtins an outcide I c the sunbeem coming thu my window!** At least it's not 'snowing and raining' again.** "Itz a nice day out" I say.** Hmm, she seems pretty normal. Maybe she's not Tara's daughter...** I taik of my pijuamas. I waz sleping in a verry cootblak top.** Oh, she is Tara's child.** It was kind of like a spots bra butt a litle lunger cuz im not a slut lol **sure you aren't. Keep telling yourself that. Denial isn't only a river in Egypt, you know.**. Then I taik of my pijamas. They where blak to!And they r realy comforty becuz they r fluffy** I like fluffy things. They're like sheep. Sheep are cute. I want a sheep...YOU SEE THIS? THIS IS WHAT MY IMMORTAL HAS DONE TO ME!**

IM GOING 2 NOT DECRIBE MYSELF NACKED BECUZ THTS GROSSE! DNT THINK ABOUT THAT!** With pleasure.**

After I put on my new clothers I feeled very comforty! Ill explain wat I wpre! **So Tara's child. **(I wont explane my underware becuz I think thts grose lol0 **Thank God (or as Enoby would say, 'thank Satan'.)**

I had new shoes on! I just bout them yesterday wit the money my parets sent me for fun!** Wish I got money from my parents for fun.** They were leik sports runing shoes (except I hate! Exercise!** I! Like! Dancing! And! Yoga! With! Random! Exclamation! Points!**) they were blak with pink laces! Verry veryy coott! Every1 told me thiey where jealus of them becuz they cost a lot of money! **Bitch. **(pplz were loking at them in the story 4ever in hogmeadas so I told my parnts abought them n they sent me the money 2 by them b4 any1 else could!** Double bitch.**) (ooo! I go to Hogwarts btw, becuz I dnt think I mentioned it yet!1** We worked it out. Honestly, she has the intelligence of a slug. Wait, insult to slugs there. I apologise, darlings.**)

Then 4 my pants I wore lather. (they where blak 2!) my bum lookd very nice in them becuz pplz tell me my but is VERRRYY nicelol! **Doesn't she say 'get that out of your head now' or something? I kinda miss it. **

My shirt was blak 2 but wit like sum pink skuls like one the buttom a rond the hole shit!** I read that with a straight face. Ahh, you misspellers, you amuse me so.** It waz very coot!

Soooooooo! When I finshed geting dresed I waked down the stairzzz! I entred the slythrin commun room an then pplz turned to stair at me!** You're not allowed to enter a pet shop anymore, your face is considered cruelty to animals. I said that to some mean person who told me I was a spotty freak. They shut up pretty quickly. ** Every1 told me I was butiful! **Awh, the poor, **_**poor **_**misled Mary Sue. Do we even know her name yet?**

Sooooooooo many nice complimonts lololololol!** They were being sarcastic.**

So I told them I aprecated it an then walked out of the commun room down 2 the gate hall!** There's a gate in the hall? WHERE? **

While I was eating my creal (witch (lolololol get it?** Tara's kid. So Tara's kid. They have to be related or something. And we have to hunt them down and kill them. They must not be able to enter the Gene Pool.**) was rice crispries) some1 taped the bak of my shulder! I turned arond. 'im trying 2 eat her!' **Usually I don't believe in cannibalism, but in this case...GO AHEAD AND EAT THE MARY SUE! **I scramed at the persone becuz whoever it was is veryyyyyyyy rude to intrupt me whale im eating!** I get interrupted while I'm eating so much. And you're a bitch. **

But when I saw who I was stairing at I forgot al about my angre! **Don't tell me, he's a hot emo bisexual guy? **2 b continued ! (tell me wat u think! **Okay. It was crap. Worse than anything I've ever read. Apart from My Immortal. And Katie Price's Angel. (I was bored and it was in my cafe...well not **_**mine,**_** but my favourite one...) That was bad. **33333333333** What's with the threes?**

_Hi guys!_

_What do you think? Snarky enough? Please review!_

_funky xxxxxx_

_PS: My friend lost my phone so I'm annoyed at her. I'm getting a new one tomorrow. And it's expensively dipping into my money. So I'm not a happy bunny. And this...monstrosity...is getting the brunt of my snark. Don't get in the way? It's for your own safety. Honestly. _


	2. In Which I shout shut up!

an: ok! so i am NAWT happy with wat sum pplz said about me in the review secton! not nice! ok so sum1 caled me a TROLL! ummmmmmmmm u neva even saw a pic of me b4 idot so how do u no wat i look liek? hmmmmmm? HMMMMM!/ 

clue: u dnt!

also, another newsflash pplz, NO1 TALKS WITH PROPRE GRAMAR ON THE INTERNET!**. **no1 no1 no1! if u do then u r just pathtic. lololololololol u nerds!

then sum1 said my story waz a joke, or sumthing like that!OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT REEL! its , I DNT OWN THE CHARCTERS1

ok, so here is te rest of my storY! (welll da next part :PPPPPP)

**AN: okay! So I am NOT happy with what some people said about me in the review section! Not nice! Okay so someone called me a TROLL! Umm, you've never even seen a picture of me before idiot so how do you know what I look like? Hmmm? HMMMM? **

**Clue: you don't!**

**Also, another newsflash people, no one talks with proper grammar on the internet! No one, no one, no one! If you do, you're just pathetic. (That's nice!) *laughs* you nerds! (Nerds are cool, bitch!) Then someone said my story was a joke, or something like that! (It is.) Obviously it's not real! It's, I don't own the characters. (Was that an attempt at a disclaimer?) Okay, so here is the rest of my story! *well, the next part :P* **

there waz a boy there! **Big woop. **a super super coot boy.** He was like a bird?** he had red haor that kind of went over his eyes, but not REALY.** Why not REALY?** He was waring a school robe (and it was a satuday so there wasnt even scool that day! he was sooooooooo dedicated1!** No, he just doesn't have anything else.**) He looked SUPER SEXIIIII! like so sexy.** You already said that.** He allso had a pare of skiny jeans on! i could KIND of c his bump (ok now get the pic out of ur head becuz thats grosse!** Okay, now get that picture out of your head because that's gross! (You said it!)**)

"hey how r u?" **Does he even know you? **he said. his voice was soooo sexiii! It was liek sum1 had taken melted buter and poured it all down my body! **Um...Er... **sooo sexi. and then i talekd back:

"Good" i said.

"Thts good!" he said bac **that sounds like a chat room...**and then walked away. I watched him walk way until i seen where he was goig.

"OH MY FUK! HES A GRIFINDOR!" **Okay, according to the Sorting Hat test, I am a Slytherin. (70% Slytherin, 20% Hufflepuff and the rest is Ravenclaw!) So I would be a bit more composed in my 'despair'. **i screamed as i through my toast at a gressy hared boi in front of me. **It's not his fault he has greasy hair! **he waz realy grosse with greesy hair and pimpels all over his face.** And that's why you threw toast at him? On a bad day, that's what I look like. On a good day, I only have the spotty bit.** EWWWWWWW!** It's not his fault!** (He was only a third year tho so i guesse most 3d years go thrugh that problem. well i didnt, neiter did my friend **I feel inadequate...**(who ull meeet soon i think! lololol (that was a clue 4 the future of the story!1 "WINK WINK!"** Wince wince, more like!**) and evry1 said we had prefect skin!** I feel **_**really**_** inadequate now...**) **–**

O, anyway, so after i screamed and though the toast at the grosse boy i stood up and stormed out of the hall. thats when i met my friend, Rose Delcure (she is relatted 2 flere from the movies! she is her first cousin)

Rose was very very beutiful (although pplz said that i was prettier** because nobody is allowed to be prettier then you.**) she had blunde hair tht she wore with bengs over 1 eye. (her left eye so ur rite eye) she also wore eyeliner (liek kind of thick stuff but not 2 thik. just the perfect ammount. (rose is very good at puting on makup) This day she had on a emo shirt tht said "im emo' with a broken hart.** Why would an emo wear a shirt that says 'I'm emo' on it?** and skinny jeans, and coot shoes. she looked very hawt!

"hi Tahirah" (thts my name!** Mary Sue.**)

"hi rose" i siad bac

"how r u" rose said bac** She's not...**

"good" i said bac **That's getting really annoying now...**

"thats good" rose said bac** SHUT UP! **

"omg guess wat rose!" i scremed

"wat" rose said exctiedly

"i saw a realy coot boi in the grate hall. he said hi to me!" i said

"omg omg omg! wat did he look liek?" rose said jumping on her feet.

"he had red hair and it went over 1 of his eyes! and he was wearing realy realy realy hawt clothes! like skiny jeans. his bum was prefect!" i said bac 2 rose

"OMG! he is RON WEASLEY" (an: oh! yea, i never new rons last name had a a in it!i thout u pplz were ling but i googled it and u where rite! srry, i wil change the title of the story if i can!** AN: Oh! Yeah, I never knew Ron's last name had an 'a' in it! I thought people were lying but I googled it and you were right! Sorry, I will change the title of the story if I can! **)rose yelled at me

"who" i asked bac 2 rose

"he is this REALY REALY REALY hawt emo tht all the girls LUV LUV LUV.me too of corse! but whenever a girl tryes 2 talk 2 him heliek dsnt talk bac and he like just walks away! ur sooooo lucky tht he talked 2 u!" rose scramed** I am a fan girl sometimes, but I am never that bad.**

"OMG!" i scramed

"OMG!" rose screamed bac** SHUT IT!**

"But wait!" i said stopping scream** Thank God. Now, go hang yourself.**

"wat" rose asked

"hes in grifindor" i said bac with a tear roling down my cheak. **Oh stop being angsty. **

"omg! i 4got" rose said bac and she stated to cry 2.** Why?**

"he was perfect beside tht 2" i yelled angy **That sounds so childish when said aloud...angy. **

"i no" rose said bac

so then me and rose went bac 2 the commum room and cut and sat and cired in our beds cause we where sad. so we staied there the rest of the day. we even cut ourselfs a little near the end of the day **you already did that...didn't you? **becuz it suced. ron weasley semed perfect BESIDES THE FACT THT HE WAS A GRIFINDOR!** It never mattered to Snape Lily was a Gryffindor! **

why did he have 2 b a grifindor?** Instead of moaning about it, kill the sorting hat.**

2 b continued!** Aw crap.**

tell me wat u think!** It's worse than before, if that is possible.**


	3. In Which I say somethin deep or somethin

An; so u pplz are still saying i look liek a troll when NONE OF U HAVE EVER SEEN A PIC OF ME B4. wow i thout this plcae was supose 2 b mature. i guess nawt RIGHT. sure i may b a little overwait but NOT MUCH no more thn a normal grl my age. so stuf PLZ ok.

and i allready told u no1 uses gramar on the internet, ITS THE INTERNET. omg. u pplz r so retarted. lol. retards.

so, here i the rest of my story!

**AN: So you people are still saying I look like a troll when NONE OF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN A PICTURE OF ME BEFORE. Wow, I thought this place was supposed to be mature. I guess not, RIGHT? Sure, I may be a little overweight but NOT MUCH more than a normal girl my age. So stop, please, okay?**

**And I already told you no one uses grammar on the internet, IT'S THE INTERNET. Oh my god. You people are so retarded. (HEY! Don't say that, it's mean!) *laughs* retards. (Shut up, okay? JUST SHUT UP!)**

**So, here is the rest of my story!**

i woke up the next moning (which was sunday becuz the day b4 was saturday becuz they had no lcasses so tht makes 2day sunday!** Never.**) my rists where sore becuz i was cuting them all day yestreday with rose. there was dired up blod all over my rist but i didnt care. i hated the fact tht ron weasley was in grifindor. IT MADE ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MADDDDD! he was soooo perfet 4 me, becuz he was emo and i was emo. **Whaaaaaat? **but i dnt date wuld b a betryal of slitherin. so i got out of my pijamas (wich where:** please, no...** blak slky pijama patns and a bagy t-shirt whicg was blac wit broken harts and skuls al over it becuz i was soooo sad becuz of how ron was a grifiondor nd so i wore tht tshit becuz it was an emo tshirt and thts why i wore it!)

I chaged into: a vry lowcut mini shirt.** Slut.** it was made of lather and was super super super sexi. **No, just slutty. **i also put on vry long blac soncks with skuls on them. then i put on a tshirt that was tight and shoewd of my braest realy realty good. **Double slut.**(but dnt look there becuz thts disgusting ok!** Then wear baggy shirts, dumbass!**) it had on whit skuls and pink buterflys coming frm the skuls. it was realy COOT! finnaly i put on my shos tht i got tht every1 else wanted. i looked super super coot in the miror!

when i had finshed chaning i walked don 2 the slitherin commumm room. pplz turned 2 star at me when i walked down. but i igored all of them nad walked over 2 rose who was siting in the conor by the fireplace. she loked sad so i never said anything but just sat next 2 her.

finnaly after wht seemed liek 4EVER rose finnaly spoek!** How riveting.**

"im so sad tht ron is a grifindoer" she said

"i no me 2" i said bac

"hes soooo coot 2" rose said bac

"i no, hes is coot" i said bac

"i just wish he culd ba slitherin" rose said

"i no, me 2" i said bac

"i think i ned 2 cut my rist agin" rose said finnaly after liek 2 minets of not saying anyhing.

"me 2" i said bac** *yawn***

so rose and i got razors frm ur roms and we used them 2 cut iurselves on ur rist. it hurt but it felt good qat the same time becuz he made us releise ur pain. **Good psychology there. Did you get it from the internet? **we cut urselves all moruing untill lunch time.

when it was finnaly lunch time me an roe went down 2 the great hall and to eat lunch. 4 lunch i dediced 2 have:

chickne and fires** WOAH! THAT'S NOT HEALTHY! **and orange juice ad a cookie 4 desert and stuf liek that. it was realy good.

but, after i ate it all i didn fell good becuz i was still sad tht ron was a grifindor. i told rose this and she sad tht i was 2 good 4 him and tht it was his lost so i said:

"ur rite" i said

and then 2gheter me and rose walked out of the great hall 2gheter and we where kind of hapier than b4 becuz now i new i was 2 good 4 ron. but, just as we where exciting the great hall we saw a flsh of red hair and herd a hot, sexii, sweat, **His voice was sweating? **beutiful voice. liek the voice of a angle.** Angles can talk? News to me. **

"h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hiiiiiii Tahirah" he said.

i locked up and saw tht it was ron. rose gave a litle screem an then ran away out the great hall dors 2 the outside. **Was she scared of his sweaty voice? **i was all along with ron.

"ohh, hi ... grifindor" i said making my voice s evil as posible 2 make him relise tht i ddnt like gifidors. but it was hard 2 make an evil voice becuz he was so hot and sexii.

"i no tht ur a slitherin and im a grifindor and ussualy we pplz dnt get along well." **Clever boy! **ron said

i said nothing.

"but, ive beem asked out by alot of grls at this school. but ive never been intrested in any of them. they wrnt pritty enuf **because that's all that matters, isn't it? **or they where 2 meen. **Hermione? Mean? Yeah, right. **but, u seem difernent. u seem sweat** WHY IS EVERYONE SWEATING?** and nice, and ur probly he most beutiful grl ive ever seen as this school."** Beauty is only skin deep. ** ron said

i said nothing aggin, but a teer was beging 2 roll down my cheak.

"so, Tahirah" ron said

but i ssaid sumthing b4 he could finsh:

"Call me tay" i said trying 2 keep an evil voice **so you wanted to tell him to call you by your nickname but in an evil voice? Weird. **but it was hard becuz he was soo coot and sexii.

"ok, tay. wuld u liek 2 go out with me." ron said.

"OMG! OMG! OMG!" i scramed

"YES! u r so sexii!"** At least she didn't gasp.**

ron smiled and 2gether we walked out of the great hall dors!** Cute. Not. **

2 b continued! (tell me wat u think! but TALK ABOUT MY STORY THIS TIME!** It's a piece of crap. Wait, offensive to crap. I have no idea what it's like, but it's bad.**)


	4. In Which I am filled with dread

An: ok so u pplz r VERY rude. i sugest u fcking stop it RITE NOW. its pathtic! serriousy, pplz saying im ugly, n pplz

saying all kinds of other shit. its horible. i am writing, NO1 CAN STOP ME. OK. IF U DNT LIEK IT THEN DNT READ IT

IDOTS! HONETLY U PPLZ R ALL RETARDED. I U ALL KEEP SAYING HOW MUCHB U HATEB MY STORY BUT u ALL FCKING LEEP READING IT

ANYWAYS.

THATS RETARTRED. ok so 4 those pplz u actualy care,hers th e rest of myt story!

!

**AN: Okay so you people are very rude. I suggest you fucking stop RIGHT NOW. It's pathetic! Seriously, people saying I'm ugly, and people saying all kinds of other shit. It's horrible. I am writing, NO ONE CAN STOP ME. (Noooooo!) IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN DON'T READ IT! HONESTLY, YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL RETARDED. (stop saying that!) I YOU ALLL SAYING HOW MUCH YOU HATE MY STORY BUT you ALL FUCKING KEEP READING IT! **

**ANYWAYS, THAT'S RETARDED. Okay, so those people who actually care, here's the rest of my story!**

ron an i where walking outside 2gether. we were holding each others hands. his hands where so soft, yet hard at the same **Oxymoron. **

tmie. they where amzing hands. they where sio much biger then my hands so my hands git perfectly into his hans. he made me

fel protected u c.

we where walking down the great hall sdteps 2gether outside the great hall. every1 outside turned 2 star at us.

"Is that Tahirah with RON WEASLEY?" I herd every1 saying. **Simply scandalous! Wait till I tell the girls down at the Book Club!**

"I herd that ron dndt go out with any girls!" I herd other pplz saying.

"She must b sumthing special." I herd other pplz saying who never said naything tht was said above. **Eh?**

i blushed becuz i was embarsed. **Oh my god, stop pretending, you're loving it. **but i was happy 2 becuz ron was super sexi and hawt and coot and emo. his skinny jeans showed

his bum prefectly i reely wanted 2 grab it but i resited. he akso had on a plain wite tshirt. it went over his mucles

perfectly and showed of his realy sexii arms! i put my arms arund his arms and felt his strong muscles. SOOOO HAWT!

"lets sit under the tree" ron said

"k" i said bac

"k" ron said bac **They have the IQ of a stupid table. **

and the 2 of us went and sat under the tree. we never said much we just sat there. pretty soon a hole bunch of girlks satated

2 sloly come up 2 us quitly and under the bushes but i saw them first. they were realy young liek in 2nd year or sumthing

ithink but i wasnt sure.

"GTFO OUT OF HREE BITCHES!"** They're second years! You bitch!** iscramed at the top of my longs and they all went runing awy.

"stopid bitches" i said 2 ron

"there just jealus" ron said bac

"i no" i said bac 2 ron

"dnt let them bother u" ron said bac 2 me

"i wont" i said bac 2 ron

"good" ron said bac 2 me.

then ron tuned 2 me and ooked me stait in the eye.** Did it hurt?**

"ur the most icirdible grli ever met" he said 2 me

"ur the msot incridible boy i ever net" i said bac 2 him

then, he bliked his hawt, sexi eyes and brushed his hawt sexi red hir out ofhis eyes. sloyl he leened in. we where geting

close, closer, closer!

"OMG! U FCKING BASTARD!" i scarmed** eh?**

i ran away a fast as i culd. omg omg omg. he was a grifindor! how culd i have forgten?

i had forgoteen!

NOO!

NOOO!

NOOOOOOO!

i betayed slitheinb.

he was a bastard! he tied 2 sedoce me! with his good looks ans his sexii smile, and air, and eyes, and

skinty jeans, and bum.

NOOO!

he used me!

noooooo!

i ran up 2 the commum room and there i took out a rasor blad and used it 2 cut mysekf in the rists over aned over and over

and over again.

my rists where beleding ZBUT I DIDNT CARE!

ron was a bastard

"hes a bastard"! i scramed at the top of my lungs!

"fck him dead!" i screamed again at ht top of my longs!

"i deserve beter!" i screamed against the top of my lung!Q!

**Suddenly, Draco Malfoy burst in, wearing only his underwear. "Shut it!" He snapped, blonde hair mussed with sleep. "I need my beauty sleep!" He grabbed a book and hit me on the head until my head was cracked, but there was nothing in my head where my brain should be. I died. The end.**

soon the blod was going EVERYWHERE** Crap.**

EVERYWHERE

it was all over the place ansd so iwas losing 2 much OMG OMG!

OMG!** Die, die!**

I WAS FANTING ! **You tease!**

i felt ligheaded!

the ropm was spinng faster and fastesr and FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER!

nooooo

noooooooo

nooooooooooooooooo1!

everything wenty blac! **Die, die...**

!RONS POV!

omg? why did she just doo tht 2 me?

wht did i do?

i dnt no!

i stated 2 cry rite there under the tree. i didnt no wat to do. Tay had just brokn my hart! i gave he4r everything! **Like what?**

and then she tok it up and broke it into amilion smitlerinzines! **Eh? **how culd she do this 2 me? HOWWW? i didnt no.

all i new was that Tay had sumthing wrong with me and i intentd 2 find out wht. so i march ran as quicly as i culd up 2 go 2

the castle and opebn the front sdoors 2 the grate hall. but thts when i saw harry, and he waved me foward.

"ron is the romor tru?" harry scarmed at me and he loked angry.

"what romor?" i said bac 2 harry

"that u are dateing a slitherin!" harry yeled as lud bas he culd 2 me grls close by trned arond and

stared at the 2 of us. they were kind of coot. but not realy. and then i thoght oh Tahira and my hart gave a guilt tugy

feling. i looked bac at the grls and they looked ugly now. **Such is the power of a Mary Sue. **

"soooooooooo!"""" harry sdcar,ed bac 2 me again. i looked harry rite in the eys. harry was soo hawt. his sexi eyes and hair.

i even saw heis abs evry nite when he took of his shirt 2 go 2 bed. they where perfect! i then tought

ofTahirah. she was mad at me. and i didnt no why. **… **mayb it ws a hint that harry was my tru luv!" **Oh my god, stop...I actually **_**like**_** Harry/Ron! **

"those romors are FALSE" i scareamed 2 harry. he smiled and he looked so sexi at the same time. i didnt reget my desision.

"good" harry said bac 2 me.

i never confeshed my tru fellings 2 harry b4. **You only just discovered them, didn't you? **i think he new i was bisexieul. i thought tht wuld b the time.** Eh?** so ileaned

4ward, and oloking harry rite in the eyes i kised him. i puled away from my lips his lisp ands we stared at each iother 4 a

second. the grls tht were next 2 us gasped in suprise. harry turn raound 2 them.

"OBVIBULAE" ***gigglesnort* **he scareamed 2 them.

"wht did u do" i asked harry

"whipped there meories" he said **How did he do that? **

"now stop talking and kiss me agan" he said 2 me.

i leened 2ward and kised harry again. this time with more pasiont. we kissed in2 the bloom cupbord and clsed the door bhind

us!** Oh, I'm so **_**happy **_**for you!**

2 b continued (SHOCING CHAPTER! i no! tell me way u think. i no it was boring at first, but thins are staring 2 heet up!) **I dread that chapter. I really do.**


	5. In which I say, 'Kill the bitch'

AN: wow. u pplz r ALL RETARTS. if u dnt like mty sorty then DNT READ IT RETARDSS. k? nawt tht hard. irf u where all as smnart as u say u r then u WULD HAVE RELISED THIS IDIOTS! FUCKING RETARRDED IDIOTS. all of u!

ok. so leave, NOW if u dnt like it k? its NOT TBHAT HARD! and u pplz dared 2 caled me stupid lolololollol iditos

so here is the rest of my story. IF U DNT WANT 2 READ IT LEAVE NOW k?

PS I will b 13 is kliemk less than 2 weeks so STUFU!

**AN: Wow. You people are all retards. (Okay, I have to kill this girl) If you don't like my story then don't read it, retards! (Usually, I'd agree, but she said retard. I find that word particularly offensive. Kill the bitch!) Okay? Not that hard. If you where all as smart as you say you are, then you WOULD HAVE REALISED THIS IDIOTS! FUCKING RETARDED IDIOTS. All of you.**

**Okay. So leave, NOW, if you don't like it okay? It's not that hard! And you people dared to call me stupid, idiots. **

**So here is the rest of my story. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT LEAVE NOW OKAY?**

**PS: I will be thirteen is (no idea) less than two weeks so stuff you.**

Back 2 Tahirahs POV** Joy.**

i woke up. there was blod all over my close. but i didnt care.

"OMG! wat hapened 2 me" i asked some1 who i didnt no who yet.** Eh?**

"u pased out becuz u had 2 much blod loset." said a voice. i turned aronund 2 c tht the voice came from snape, the potition tracher. usually i dnt liek techers nut asnape **Ass-Snape. Or maybe Ass-wipe is what she means? **was diferent becuz he understod my suferings and stuff and he was god **Yay! Snape is God! I am so joining his church...**with giving adviece 2 pplz and students who have tuble with other pplz.** Aw shit, that ain't Snape. Damn, Snape isn't God.** liek onc i was going out with this other boy but i got boraed with him so i sked snape way2 do **Let's say that aloud now, shall we: I asked Snape way to do. Does that make sense? No. **and he gave me tghe best advice how 2 dumop the guy,. iused it!** I wouldn't have. I'd have just been myself, Tara's child.**

"omg! i never did tht b4" i said bac 2 snaep!

"i think u jsut lsot controle" snape said vbac 2 me** no concern? No counselling? Damn. **

"i was very sad" i said bac 2 snae looking at mty cuts. they hrt but the pain felt good on my rists. i remembers ron and wat a basatrt he was and sudenly the pain in my rists wasnt even close 2 the pain in my hart.** What utter crap.**

"tht BASTARD RON!" i scamred.

"ron weasley?" snape said bac 2 me

i loked into his blac eyes. the4y were so sorrowful and sadly looking bac at me. i then noticed how hawt and coot snaope realy was. **Oh my God, she's not...**

"yes, HES A BASTARD!" i told snape bac and tried 2 b as sexy and hot as posible while doing it.** Ew.** "hes a grifindonr oh curse hes a bastard" snape said bac 2 me. his eys where lokiing at my brests.** PERVERT! **

"OMG! STOP LOOKING AT MY BRASEST!" i scamred 2 snape who locked away fwhen he saw noticed i noticed him loking at me. **Huh?**

"im sry Tahirah"

"CALL MY TAY" i scaremd with impatience** Bitch.**

"im sry tay, i justn never it was not nan instince but il never doit again. u just look so beautifukl."

i stoped looing so mad becuz snaope was so sweat. SWEATER THAN THAT ASTARD RON AWAYS!** AND WHY IS EVERYONE SWEATING? **

"im sry 2"i said bac 2 smaep

"I think ur hot 2" **HE'S A TEACHER FOR GOD'S SAKE! **i said bac 2 snape afte he never said anything for a few coule minutes of silecne.

"u do?" snae said and he smiled OHHHH heis smile was sooo sexiiii. and hot,. OMG! i melted. it was like a needle in my hart that wulndt let come out!** Um...**

"I DOO!" i scamred 2 snape. **You may now kiss the bride. **he smilesd again. THAT SEXUIII SMILE! OMG!

"will u kiss me?" snapes said bac 2 me

"yes!" i scarmed and ran and kissed nsape. he tasted soo good.

"Uyums!" i said after we finished kissing for a ouple hours** How did they breathe? And wouldn't Snape have something to do? Or someone would interrupt them?**

"u taste good 2" snape said bac 2 me

"u 2" i said bac 2 samep

"and dnt wrry. ill fail tht bastard ron on his next test. **That's not very professional. **no1 breeaks ur hart and gets awaty with it!" snape screamed in a sexy voice of dewath and sorrow. **Um...**oHHH THAT VOICE.

"OMG! thanks u u r amzing bf!" i said bac 2 snape

"im ur bf?" snape said bac 2 me smiliny sexily at me.

"YESSSSS" i screamed

"yes yes yes yes yeas! u r such a god kisser u wil make sucha good boyfriends!" **Wow. She's really shallow. **i wwthen waved gb 2 smnape and huriedb off the ofice.i waled up the dungeosn until i was in the greate halls. then i felt liek fgoing 4 a broomstick rice **Yes, I'll have the Broomstick Rice and the Quidditch Curry, thank you. **becuz quittish trilas where coming up soon nad it would b good 2 practice. but i allready new i wuldm make it becuz im the best flier in the school **What the hell? What happened to Harry? **becuz we had tests jsut 2 weweks ago 2 c who was rth e best and i got first and ron (THT BASTARDS!) got second and rose got 3rc. so iwent 2 the broomstick room and opned the door and rthen!

I SAW RON KISING hARYR POTERES (another BASTARDY FGRIFINDOR)s dick! **Good for Ron, getting some action!**

"EWWWWWWW u homsexuels"** not homophobic at all, are you, Tariah? (Is that how you spell it? I don't know.) ** i sccaredm! and ran way (an: its not nice 2 call gay pplz gayso u r supsoe 2 call them homosexuels becuz they kliek it more. **Where did you learn that? **were learning about this in schol. **Whatever this 'schol' is, it's wrong. I know a gay guy, and he doesn't mind. **personaly i dnt c why calling gay pplz gay is so rong but i want 2 be etical in my story **Waaaaaaait, what? You failed. **so i tohught it was beter 2 do the story liekb thios insted!

I herd ron coming chasing behnd me but i an fater and gaster **You gassed her? Who? **until i reched the stairs.

"STOPICUS!"** Good, but the award for stupidest-spell still goes to Enoby for 'Crookshanks'! ** some1 scramed beghind me and i was stuck becuz i culdnt move.

"OMG U FCKING BASTARD!" i scarmed at the top my lungs. girls where looking at me frm steps above but i just tokld them 2 fuc themselvcws. i wasnts in the mod for sily teenage dama.** And your life isn't teenage drama?**

"kET ME GO!" i sacremde.

"NOT UNTIL U LISTEN 2 MY SSDE OF THE SOTRY" i herd ron scarem

"NO ASTARD!" i scaremd bac at him.

"2 bad bitcvh" i herd him screem 2 me. **GO ON, RON!**

"OMG U R SO FUCING RUDE!"i scamred bac 2 him.** *gigglesnort* He's rude? Girl, listen to yourself!**

"DEEL WITB IT WHORE!" heb screamed bac 2 me. **Ouch. **

"OK BUT HURY!" i scaredm bac 2 him

"Im getting swore!" **You're getting swore? You already swore a million times.**

"Ojay, her is my side of teh story" Ron started** We already heard it from the badly misspelled 'RON'S POV'. **

2 b coninued! STATING 2 hEEAT UP! (tell me wat u think. IF U DNT LIKE IT DNT SAY ANYTHING K!)** Pass.**


	6. In Which Ron Dies no, really!

AN: SHUT UP! if u dnt like the story DNT READ IT! im not hanging my tryping style 4 u IDITS! i have beter thing 2 do than 2 listen 2 u fckers bitch and mon abut a stroy they DNT EVEN LIKE! if u dnt like it DNT READ IT FCKERS.

ugh u pplz r disgusting annoying. and stop caling me stipid. im not the 1 going arund reding storys i dnt like. thTS U MOTHFUCKERS!

O, and i hav nuthin aginst gay pplz. tahirah was just surpried tht harry and ron where bisexuals so she jmped 2 conclsion. she ist agint gay pplz she was just shoked. DUH!

so, here is the next part of my stry! i hoe u liek it. (if u dnt like it THEN DNT SAY ANYTHINGN AT ALL. dint ur mother say if u dnt hasve sutmhing nice 2 say DNT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL? yea, so STFU gayz/

**AN: SHUT UP! If you do not like the story don't read it! I'm not hanging (no, me neither) my typing style for you IDIOTS! (That's pleasant.) I have better things to do than listen to you fuckers bitch and moan about a story they don't even like! If you don't like it, then don't read it fuckers. **

**Ugh, you people are disgustingly annoying (I think). And stop calling me stupid. I'm not the one going around reading stories I don't like. That's you motherfuckers! (No thank you...)**

**Oh, and I have nothing against gay people (suuuurrreee, and I enjoy licking monkey scrotums.) Tahirah (or is it Tay?) was just surprised that Harry and Ron were bisexual (why? Everyone seems to be in this messed up Sueverse.) so she jumped to conclusions. (I wish she'd jumped off a cliff.) She isn't against gay people (like you, Tara JR, seem to be) she was just shocked. DUH! (Oi! I'll have you know I'm nearly top of my class. I think, anyway.) **

**So, here is the next part of my story! I hope you like it! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! Didn't your mother (Don't you dare bring people's mothers into this. For all you know, they could have recently lost her or something!) say if you don't have something nice to say then DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL? Yeah, so stuff you gays. (She says she has nothing against gay people, so why say 'gay' as if it's a bad thing?)**

"imlistning"** I'm not! ** i shuted at ronwho was stil a few stets belo me on the srtarecase.

"ok. here if my story" he said bac 2 me and a single ter roled down his face. he was soo coot. sudenly i wasnt so mad at him anymoer.** Creepy girl. This seems to be a reoccurring thing with Mary Sues. Must add that to the list of their weaknesses... **

"ur so sexy" i whisperd 2 myself.

"wat?" he whispered loudly **eh? **bac 2 me.

"i didnt say anything BASTARD!" i scaremd bac 2 him. continuye ur motherfucing story aswhip. **Ass-wipe, I think you mean. **

"ok bitch i wil" he scaremed bac 2 me.

"afte ru said tht mean thing 2 me (an: go bac 2 chapter 3 2 c wat she said** I remember. I wish I didn't, but I do.**) i felt so emo. i was cring 4 a lung time by myself. then finaly i walked up 2 the casle by myself. i was going 2 cuyt. thts when harry comfarted m and asked me if it was tru tht i was going out with a slitherin.** No, he shouted at you. A lot. And wiped memories. And you thought he was hot. Or 'hawt'. **

"THT BASTART!" i scaredm **I thought his parents were married...**

"let me dfinsed" ronn sad bac 2 me

"ok so afte tht i noticed how hawt hary was."

"OMG! u bbetaingbastard!" i yeled 2 ron. and i kiced realy hard and the corse tht was hoding me let do. i was fre **never **so i started 2 run.

"ROPKABRAV" **It's second to 'Crookshanks' on the awesome-screw-up-of-spells list. **ron scaredm behind me and i felt rops all over me and ting me up.** Kinky. ** OMG tht bastard!

"u wil klisten 2 the rest of my stry!" he said 2 me.

"fine bastart2" i scdamred bac 2 him and gave him the midle finger except i culdnt becuz i was ropd up so i jsut pertnded i gave him the midle ginger. **Who is this poor middle ginger? **

"so then i kised harry." ron said.

"OMG OMG OMG! U GYA EMO!"** You know, I'm kind of getting tired of the whole 'gay is bad' thing. ** i scared 2 ron.

"im bisexuel!" ron sad 2 me.

i stoped wigling.

"OMG!" i scaremed

"bisexuels emos are SOOOO AWT AND COOT!"** You...Ugh, you're annoying, like a fly or something.**

ron smild

"thnkz" he said 2 me with his sexii smile on his mace.

"com kis me!" i shuted 2 ron.

"ok" he said bac 2 me.

so ron ran up 2 me, withis sexi hot red emo har and sexi smil adn rthen skised me pasionelatly. we frnch kised 4 a wile on the stares. a few yupinger grls stared at us and gave us grosse loks but i new they didnt understod. they werent in love **you mean lust **liek i was. then, rite in the halway ron stated 2 go up my shit. **...Bwahahahahaha! **he feled my bobs **BOB is up your shirt? I thought he was possessing Leland Palmer...Huh. **and played with them 4 a litle bit. **He played with BOB? Holy crap, what did he do with him? Talk about torture?**

"OMG! RON!" i scamed in hapiness. he was talking of my emo bar. **...No comment.**

"i want u 2 fck me!" i tod him!** I wasn't expecting **_**that.**_

"ok" h sad bac 2 me. but, just then wen he finaly got my bra takn of ...

"AVARD KABRVA" su1m scarmed behind us.** Huh? Voldemort's in this? YAY! **

"OMG U BASTQRD U KILED RON!" i sacmred.

"tay i did it 2 pertect u." i lokd dwn 2 c snap saying there with HARRY POTER. **WHAT?**

"potter u BASTARD!" i scarmed

"u sertuced my man" **I have no idea what a 'sertuced' is. **i scarmed agin.

"BITCH" he yeled bac 2 me.

"tahirah i thot i was ur man"** I'll comfort you, oh hot one...Wait, not canon Snape. Damn it.** snape said and a smal tare ran dwn his face.

"im boared with u no snape becuz ron is bisxuel and luv bisexuel." **That's a crappy reason to dump someone.**

"well ron is now ded" snape sadi 2 m,e.

"noooooooo!" i scamed** I thought you knew that...wow, you're stupid.**

snape laugde but hary had a small tare reun dwn his dface.

"i luved ron" he said.** I thought you killed him?**

"stfu poter" snape said 2 harry.

i looked into harrys eys. they where so blac and hawt and emo and coot and sexi. **Your boyfriend just DIED. **

"OMG! hary u r so sexi" i shouted and ran downstars 2 him.

"wht abut me tay?" snape sad 2 me with a ter coming dwn his face.

"ur grosse and stopid" i said 2 snape becuz he desved it. he atacked ron. **I thought that was Harry? **

"u realy lik me?" harry said 2 me.

"yes" i said bac 2 harry.

"lets go 2 hogmed"** where?** i said

"k" harry said

2 b contined (tell me wat u think! unles ur rud(** Okay, I won't tell you what I think. I'll keep quiet.**


	7. In Which 'button things are weird'

AN: ok so u pplz suld PLZ stop calling me a trol. im not stupid. ur the stipid 1 becuz ur the pplz reding a story u dnt even like. uif u dnt liek it dnt read it ok. its not that hard retards.

here is the rest of my stroy:

oh an sum of my buton things r werd so thins may b diferent. sry!

**AN: Ok so, people should please stop calling me a troll. I'm not stupid. You are the stupid one because you are the one reading a story you don't even like. If you don't like it, don't read it ok. It's not that hard retards. (Stop saying that! Even though the definition of 'retarded' means held back, but when said as an insult it makes everyone who could be classed in that feel like a piece of shit.)**

**Here is the rest of my story: **

**Oh and some of my button things are weird so this may be different. Sorry! (What the hell is that supposed to mean?)**

me and harry walked out the great hall door otu 2 the otusife and when we where therewb e waked dwn 2 the tre where me and eron had our efirst date. **You have no idea how many times I had to read that to make it make sense. **well i gues it wasnts a darte exactly buty it was kind of sa date igyues. **Um...**so we wet terhe it was realty wed becuz thts where mer an ron had our firsdt daet thing. hen web finaly started 2 get there harry said:

`we shuld mkae out!` harry said 2 me** Very casual...**

`k i sad bac 2 harry** even more so...**

àns so harry lened in 2 kiss me and i kiss him bac and we kissed under the tre. jusrt then

BAM!

OMG WAT HAPEDNÉ** I HAVE NO IDEA AS YOU JUST WENT "BAM" AND DIDN'T EXPLAIN IT!** i scarmed

i dnt no wat happen!** NEITHER DO I!**

i loked up and then i saw ron** You're dead! You can't come back to life, like the awesome Captain Jack Harkness who is actually quite hot now...He didn't used to be, but now...Ehem. Sorry.**

`hary u bastard!`he scared 2 harry

`tay is my gf reastard`

`OMG RON u came bac 4 me` i said 2 ron

`yes` ron said bac 2 me

`snapes kiling spel wasnt as god as he thot it was. the rretarted idiot` ron said bac 3 me** Dead is still dead. **

`lol he is a idiot` i said bac 2 ron** as are you.**

`why r u with harry` ron said bac 2 me and a singl tear ruan dwn his facae as heabv said it** that made no sense whatsoever. Wait, if you read it through again it does...Ah. **

`becuz i thout u where DEAD!` i scarmed at ron **since, like, two minutes ago!**

`but i wsbnt` ron scarmed 2 me `but i thout u where` i scarmed **they sure like to 'scarm', don't they? **geting agnry.

`but nown tht u no i wanot` ron said bac 2 me

`I WANT 2 GET BAC WITH U DUH!` i sacmnred at ron,.

`I LUV U` i sacredm wo thnking.** You hardly know the bloke!**

`omg did i jst say thtÉ` i said 2 myself** yes you did.**

`yes` rib **what, just a random rib? Like, a person's rib? **said bac 2 me, whe was smiling

i blushed.

`i luv u 2` he sad 2 me.

then me and ron walk 2gether bac up 2 the casle.** Do you think Tara JR has forgotten that Harry was even there? Maybe he just wandered away while they were 'scarming' at each other.**

2 b continuyed (srry it was short but i hav a good idea 4 the nedt chapter!** According to her, writing this was a good idea. So don't expect any major cool stuff.**)


	8. In which there are black shits EW!

AN: haers fck of k. ther where sum of u who where nice tho so i gues thts ok. also stop threting me plz. ts very rud u no. so stfu and get a life idiots and tarerd. if u sad nice things 2 me thn u can stay! :)

also th9is idot has been steling my storys and making fun of them. STOP IT SLT. ur pathetic u no tht? becuz u r? i red the reviews 4 her stry and every1 was so pateic making fun of my dtory. u pplz r fcking rud. just 4 ur fyi the man caracter is fcking 18 retartds, not 12. pplz kep sayingit was grosse 4 a 12 yar old 2 kis a old person but the man charcter ISNT 12, way 12 year old is in luv ertards. 4 pplz who think there smrt u pplz r realy stipid.

**AN: Haters fuck off ok. There were some of you who were nice though so I guess that's ok. Also stop threatening me people it's very rude you know. So STFU and get a life idiots and retards if you said nice things to me, then you can stay! :) **

**Also, this idiot has been stealing my stories and making fun of them. STOP IT SLUT. You are pathetic, you know that? Because you are. I read the reviews for her story and everyone was so pathetic, making fun of my story. You people are fucking rude. Just for your FYI, the main character is fucking 18 retards, not 12. **

me an ron where waking bac 2 the casle. it was geting dark out. it was stil sundy so we had scool tmrow.

"fck school" i yeled and ron laghed at me. **As am I.**

"lol" he siad.

"but i hat it" i said 2 ron hoping he wuld undersdtn.** I understand perfectly. You like the hats there.**

"me 2" ron said bac 2 me

"its stopid" i said bac 2 ron

"i no wat u men" ron said bac 2 me

"do u no wat?" i said 2 ron

"wat" ron sad bac 2 me

"we sholdnt go 2 scool 2morow" i said bac2 ron

"wel get in truble" ron said bac 2 me

"oh ur suh a gody 2shos" i said bac2 ron

"no bu we hav 2 go to schol" ron said bac2 me

"we hav potons al moning 2morow with tht retardt snape an he tinks ur ded" i sadi bac 2 ron

"god pont!" ron said bac 2 me relizning my point

"i no" i said bac2 ron

"wat shuld me do?" ron said bac2 me

"i dnt no" i said bac 2 ron

" mayb we shuld gide" ron said ba 2 me

"but where?" i sad bac 2 ron

"i dnt no" ron said bac 2 me** I know I went for ages without commenting, but I just couldn't bring myself to read it. **

the 2 of us walsed in silnts **you waltzed in stilts? Go on Britain's got Talent or something! **4 a wile until we cam 2 the great ghal. we loked up onthe bultin bord and thn we saw a avrtisement. it sad tht blink182 wuld b in england tht monday (which was tmrw!** Never! If today is **_**Sunday**_**, it would be Thursday, dipshit.**)

"omg!" i sacrmed

"i luv blik182" i sarcmed again

"me 2 " ron scared.

"lets go c thm tmrw" i said 2 ron

"omg yes!" ron said 2 me

"yess!" i sracemd again

"i luv u ron!" i topld him and then we waked awy 2 ur sparted huses!** One day, I want to write something that deep.**

i put on ym oijamas (ia blac shit **I don't think that's healthy...**tht had 2 harts on it one was re n the other was pink and ht 2 harts where belding and the shirt sad: my hart is borkem then i put on my piajama pnts thy where blac sweet pans. the other slithinr grls i sared a rom with where starting at me becuz i loked so hapy when usly i dint. **Um...**

"godnight sbitces" i scraedm 2 them and thn went 2 bed for the night.

i wok up erly the next m,orning becuz i was ecited 2 go c blink182. i suck dwn 2 the gret hal but insted of going in i went otside and wated 4 ron. it was rely werly so ther wast many pplz outside. i waited there 4 abut 20 mintes until ron came out 2 c me.

"omg!" i scarmed and ran 2 him and kissed him on the lps.

" how r u" i askled him.

"good" he said bac 2 m,e

"thts good" i said bac 2 him

"so r u excited" i said 2 him

"yes" he sid bac 2 me** *yawn***

"me 2" i said bac 2 him

"thts good" he sad bac 2 me

"so r u redy 2 go?" i said bac2 him

"yea" he said bac 2 me

"ok so hopw r we going 2 get to engand?" i said 2 ron

"i hav an ida folow me" ron said bac 2 me

"ok" i said bac 2 rom.

so i folowed ron runing acros the schoolyard. he looked so sexii in his skiny jens and his tgop. it showd his muscles perfeclty.

"ur so hawt" i told him wen we rached whever we where ging.

"thnx u 2" he sdaid bac 2 ,e

"thx" i said bac 2 him

'so way r we doin" i asid 2 hm

"where takin broms from the shed and suing them 2 fly 2 englang" ron said bac 2 me

"omg! god plabn!" i shuted to ron** What's a god plabn? I hope she doesn't mean good plan, because it isn't one. Get Thestrals instead. **

"thx" he said bac 2 me

the ron went and tok out 1 brome from the shed.

"wat abut me?" i said 2 ron

"ur rid behind me" he said with a sexi smil.

"omg1 thts realy coot" i said 2 ron

"i no" ron said bac 2 me

so then me and ron flow 2gether 2 england 2 c blink182. we got thr jst intime and so we went an sa the cocert. after the concrt we got out.

"tht was a goed concert" i said 2 ron

"i no" ron said bac 2 me

"now were do we go?" i said 2 ron

"i dnt want 2 go bac 2 scool" ron sad bac 12 me

"why snt we get a hotl" i aked ron

"good idea" ron said bac 2 me

so thn me and ron went 2 get a gotel rom. we got a realy nice 1 in a fany hotel and went up there.

"this is nice" i sai 2 ron

"yea" ron said bc 2 me

then he quikly cam over and kised me on the lips.

"ur lips tast good!" i said 2 ron

"so do urs' he said bac 2 me

then he kised me again nd thensd he kised my hole body untilf he tok of my shirt an then he tok of my pants. then he took f ho his pnts and then put his dickn in2 me. it feltso god. **Well, it's not 'he put his thingy into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time' but it's still pretty stupid.**

"this fels so god" i said 2 ron

" is it ur frst tim" ron said bc 2 me

"yes" i said bac 2 ron** then you should be in pain. Plus, are you using protection? Is that going to be a story twist? Either she gets a bun in the oven or an STI or something?**

"good i want it 2 b spcil" ron said bac 2 me** How is it special?**

"its wih u so it wil b" i said 2 ron

"ok" ron said bac 2 me

so then ron kept fcking me ove and ovr agin until he finaly was finshed then he tok ot his dick frm me and thn we put ur clotes bac on.** That was pretty stupid too.**

"tht felt god" i said 2 ron

"i no" ton said bac 2 me

"well i think we shuld probly go bac 2 hogwarts" i said 2 ron** go back to school? Never!**

"yea" ron said bac 2 me

so the 2 ofaus wnt 2 the bromstik and flew bac 2 hogwrts and we said by and we left 4 our commum rooms. t was a day i wuldnt 4get in my entire klife.** It was so cringe worthy, I won't either.**

2 b continued (told u it wuld ba good chapte! **It wasn't as bad as the last few, but it was far, far, far from good. **tay lost her virginty 2 ron, so coot! tell me way u thinkl! SO LONG AS UR NICE** Um...**)


	9. In Which I am named Professor funky!

an: if u hav sumthing men 2 say DNT DAY IT RETARDS k. u pplz jus say the same thin over and ovder agin and its stipud so STOP okay.

now her is the rest of mty stoy!

**AN: If you have something mean to say DON'T SAY IT RETARDS ok. You people say the same thing over and over again and it's stupid. So stop okay. **

**Now, here is the rest of my story!**

Xoxofx** Eh? What's that supposed to be?**

i wok uyp the next day erly after the conert. it was a tueday **Well, I thought it was Friday. **and so i had potons forst. so went dwn 2 the dumons an tok a set in the bac of class with rose.** Another mention of Rose.**

"hi wher where u yeterday" she said 2 bme** she finally notices that her friend is missing? When she's come back? Is it just me, or does that shout that something is wrong here?**

"il tel u abut it latr" i said bac2 her** aren't you in her dorm? Couldn't you have told her then?**

"k" she sad bac 2 me** you're **_**so**_** intelligent. **

then al of a sudon snape cam in and told us ll 2 stfu.** Well, it's not that teacherly, is it? And Snape's style is more to put you down until you make mistakes, and then put you down further. Snape's got it down to an art. You're attempt is pathetic.**

"stfu idiots" **didn't he already say that? **he sdared to us. evry1 stf afte he sad tht. **Wait, so if he said "stuff you" then that sentence should say "everyone stuffed after he said that." Oh my god. **he loked very angery and mad. rose and i imedately stoed taking becuz we new wev b in big truble if we ddnt stop talking. **Never. **the clas was silnt an d we al waited 4 snape 2 talk agin.

"so 2day i hav news" he said an he lokaed vry mad abut sumthing.** I wonder what it is? Good news for **_**Tay?**_** Or bad? Please be bad...**

"we hav a new studnt tih us/" **Oh god, more Mary Sues! Or Gary Stus...**he said 2 us al and he loked evn masder.

"who"evry1 was sraying. **If I got told to shut up by Snape, I would. Especially is there was a prize...**snape gav us a lok tht told us top stfu or hed kil us.** Nah, he'd only give you detention. **

"ron weaslrey" **WHAT? WHY NOT JUST LET HIM GO IN NORMALLY? HE'S USUALLY A STUDENT YOU STUPID GIRL! **he said an them pertnded 2 thro up in2 the garbag can nct 2 him.** Are you sure he's pretending? I would be after looking at you for too long.**

"omg!" i scarmed **Seems **_**everyone **_**likes doing that...Maybe I should try it...Nah. **jst as reon cam in2 thea calsrom.

"hi tya!" i yeled 2 me **I yelled to me. What. The. HELL? **and rawn over 2 met me and st dwn next 2 me.

"wat r u doing her?" i aked ron.** What are you doing her? Eh?**

"STUF RETAREDTS!" snape scarmmed. "u pplz r fciung retaresded!" **If this was real, he'd be fired. Luckily, we're not all 'emo' and 'hawt' and 'coot', and hopefully, 'Tya' is dead. **he scared again. evry1 shu up after tht and we went along with the erest of teh clas becuz we new wed b in truble if we taked 4 the rest of eteh clase so we didt tak until after the clsas. **How many times can you fit 'In the class' into one sentence? Many, apparently. **when the class was ovr we went ont in2 the halway and i kiswed ron.** He pushed me off and said, "eugh, where's my mouthwash?" like a certain groovy, funky, awesome orange (ME, in case you didn't get it. Reviews are worship. WORSHIP ME!). **

"OMG WHY R U A SLSITHRIN NOW?" i sacrmed and kised him agin.

"becuz i culdnt b awy frm u durng the nites and stuff!"** You managed up until this year...** ron said 2 me nd hten HE kised ME!** SO WHAT? **

"omg i am so excited!" i scaremd** Stop scareming! **

"so way do we hav next?" ron said 2 me fater we finshed kissing in the hal** ugh, get a room.**

" we hav creturs next!'i saiads 2 ron so we ewnt 2gethr ad walked 2 hargids **What is it with people not being able to spell Hagrid? He deserves a bloody DRAGON for putting up with this. **hut in the outide of the schol. hagrid **Oh my god, it was spelt right...*faints* **was ther and e was wtih this hors with wins.

"hi haggrid!** Oh, the poor bloke's back to having his name spelt wrong. **"i sad 2 him and he wavd bac 2 me

"hi tay an ron" he said 2 me and ron.

"wat do u hav her?" i said 2 haggrsid** How the hell did you get that out of Hagrid?**

"a hilopgrit" he sad ac 2 me adn ron** Oh, fascinating! The Hilopgrit is the distant cousin of the Hippogriff, they are said to enter a story only when it is the grips of a Mary Sue. When threatened, a Hilopgrit is said to kill whatever possible, and can even destroy stories. Fortunately, only the worst Mary Sue stories get one.**

**Like my Care Of Magical Creatures (or Hair of Magical Magic Creatures as uneducated, seventh year 'gottik' people call it) Professor impression?**

"cool' ron said 2 ahgrgid.

so thn 4 the nxt clas we did stuf with hagrid dn lerned how 2 proply care 4 the anmal and stuf lik eth. **In a CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES CLASS? NO WAY! **the clss ende in n hur.** Never.**

"tht was a god clas" **It may have been good, but I don't think it's God. **i said 2 ron

"yea" he said bac 2 me

so thn me and ron awked 2 the slitherin commum rom 2gthr.

"im so hapy ur a slitherin now" i said 2 ron** "because, as a Mary Sue, my feelings come first."**

"me2" he asid bac 2 me** I wouldn't be. And what of Molly and Arthur's reaction to this?**

thne we kised 4 a while. plz stared at us agbut i dfint mina it was k with me. just whn me and on wher going 2 gos bnac 2 my bd rose ran in.** Here we go again...**

"OMG! RON ASDN TAY UB 2 HAV 2 COM HER!"** Why?**

2 b contninued! )tell me wat u think)** It's crappy. And fun to make fun of. That is all.**

_Please review! Lots of Love, the Professor of Care of Magical Creatures, Professor funky xxxxxxxx_


	10. In which Rose is the BAD GUY!

AN: stfu u retarde idsiot k u pplz r stipid san i dnt car wat u think u dnt get me anyawy so stfy and die if u dnt liek my strry then DNT FCING RED IT U RETSARDS! omg u pplz who thuikur so smrt r realy just stopid idots wiht nohing beter 2 do then atack my stry veen tho u dnt dcking like it. wow thres a wrd 4 pplz like u an its RETARED.

**AN: STFU you retarded idiots ok. You people are stupid and I don't care what you think. You don't get me anyway so STFU and die if you don't like my story, then DON'T FUCKING READ IT YOU RETARDS! Oh my god, you people think you are so smart are really just stupid idiots with nothing better to do than attack my story, even though you don't fucking like it. Wow, there is a word for people like you and it is RETARDED. **

xox

"om wat rose?" iscaremed she sunded socked** She was socked. Wow. **

"snape comited sucid he is ut.** If he successfully did that, what could you do? And who or what is 'ut'?** he jmped frm hs fofice widow and laded in frnt of the scool. hes dead tay. omg wat r we gonna do?" rose said bac 2 me she was holing bac tears** why? I thought everyone hated Snappy Snape.**

"snape was a batrard anyways" said rpn 2 me. i was soched** Why? He did kill the bloke, after all...No, it was Harry, then it was Snape...FUNKY CONFUSED!**

"wtf ron?" i scaremd"snape was a god techer!" **Not really, as he said "stuff you idiots" a lot, and basically is totally unfit to teach. **i said 2 ron agin. the fct tht he dint evn care tht snape die wa ghorible. **You didn't care when Ron died. You just slutted off to Harry. **i dint no if ic uld b with him after tht.

"he tryd 2 kil me ifts a god thing he fcking SUCS at th kiling corse or if b ded rite now! " **That is so stupid. **ron said bac 2 me

"i dnt care he wa my favrite techer!" **He was your boyfriend for a bit, surely that goes first in the 'what-I'll-miss-about-Snape' list! **i sacremed bac 2 ron and thn i ran up 12 my rom. ron tryd 2 folow me but i slmed the dor in his face.

"go bac 2 grinfridor u fcking tratoe" **What's a 'tratoe'? I imagine something to do with trays and toes...**i scramed 2 him. i herd him cying outsid my dor but i culdnt bare 2 opn it 4 him. i ran 2 my bag wit al my rasor in it and puled ut one an then stated 2 cut myself. i cut mysef over and ovr aign until ther was blod all over my clohs nd my flor.

"RON IS A BATARD" i scarmed whil i cut deper and deaper. over and ovr i cut until my bed was covred in blod. then evrything wen fuzzy and i fanted. **Not died? Again? Seriously? I can't take much more of this false hope!**

RONS POSV:::

omg i dnt no wat 2 do. tay if so mad at me but it wsnt my fault ecuz snape tryd 2 kil me an if sum1 who tryd 2 kil tay did hed be hapy 2. shes suh a slut anywy** you finally realised!** so god ridane 2 her. i derverse beter thn her becuz she dsn5 recpest me nd my opions **wow...This one actually understands SOMETHING to do with relationships...wow. I am actually shocked. **so im going 2 get th fck out of her lief.

"go 2 fcking hel **I suppose it'd be hypocritical for me to say "that's not nice" right now. **bith" **What's a bith? **i scarmed 2 tay at te top og my longs "i hop u dy of AIDS!" **Entirely possible. **i scaremd luded.thn i stod up and walkd anyway out the commum rom door 2 the halway and upstars 2 the grinfodor tower. i went in.

"im bac!" i scarmed realy madly becuz i wa smad at tay. thn al a uden sum1 cam up 2 me and fcking pnched me the fac!** Where's the 'fac'? Please tell me it's not where my mind thinks it is...**

"wtf who do u thnk u ar bastrd!" i scfaremd.** No, he'd be screaming if it was.**

"hary potterd" hary scarmed bac 2 me** nice comeback. Actually witty the first time it was used. **

"fuc u hary u pnched me bastasrd" i said bac 2 harry

"u dwesvered it" harry said bac 2 m** why? **

"i no" i said bac 2 hary

"so did u dmp tht fgly bitc?" harry said 2 me** You went out with her a bit ago! Geez, can't you remember that?**

"yes" i said 2 harry

"good" harry said 2 me. then the 2 of us ewnt dwn 2 the firplac and did homwork.

"do u stil luv me?" harry sudeny said 2 me"i dnt no" i said bac 2 harry

"why?" harry said bac 2 me

"i knd of mis tay" i said bac 2 harry

"dnt say tht or il punch u agin!" harry siad bac 2 me** Well, that's not nice, is it?**

"fine" i sdaid bac 2 harry.

ROSES POV:::

"omg tay is so mad an she brok up wigh ron now at am i supose 2 do. i dnt no. thisb is hoible." i said 2 myself.** Okay, spoiler alert: she goes and screws both Harry and Ron.**

then 2 tyri and fix the hole prolbem i decide 2 go up 2 tays rom and try 2 convine hwer 2 get bac with ron becuz thy belong 2gether. i was sjut abut at the her door wen i reliesed.

"OMG! i can go out withn ron now!" i whipered 2 myself. her was so coot and now tht her brok up wtgh tay i culd finaly ask him out!** That's not breaking the friend code, like, AT ALL!**

so ik left the commum romm and ran up 2 the grinifodr gcommum room and saw rn by the feir with hary. They where kising!

"omg hat!"** Oh my god, when I read this I was in hysterics for...(checks clock) five minutes. ** i scarmed and thny stoped kising.

"wt ron u r fcking cheting on tay" **huh? Didn't she want to ask him out? And doesn't she know they broke up?**i scarmed

"shne brok up withn me so fvk her!" ron scared bac 2 me.

"so ... ur ovre here?" i saked ron.

"yes, rck her fckikng ded" i scaremd** what?**

"thn...do u mind if i oin?"i sadi 2 rn and harry.

"sur" harry said 2me hne was smilig 2 me.

sol i tok iof my tolp; an bottom an thne harry and ron stated 2 kis me. thn ron wen and tok up my nts and nderwarl. harry and ron tok tuns fcking me ovre and over agin until thney where both done.** Eeeeeew. Worst threesome scene ever. Well, it's better than My Immortal I suppose...**

"tht was amzing"i said 2 tem

"thnks!" th4y both said ac 2 me

"no probkm!" i said bac 2 them

thnen the 3 of usb walkd 3gethrer to the great hall 2 eat super and themn hed of 2 bed fr te nite. we ate at thne ginfindor table. i loked 4 taty **yeah, I'm looking for my potatoes right now...**a litle bitm but i was busy lkoking at hary and ron 2 so i digured she was stil in her room crying. me ron ad hary ate unitl we wrnt hungry anymor abnd then went of 2 the grinfindor comun rom and went 2 bed. (i deced 2 sitch 2 grindor 4 the nite!** You can't just decide that!**) lter tht nite we fcked agin. it waw even beter than the firt tim ecuz ahrry and ron did stuf 2gether 2 adn let me watch.it was soo coot 2 c them kis and fck. i luvedd it. but soo it was tim 4 bed so we went 2 bed 4 the nite. i 4got al about btay!** So, Tahirah Tato is trying to make Rose look like the bad guy? And you know, she kind of is...**

1 b conintued (say NICE THINSG dstop saying MEAN THINGS RETARTSD!)** NO! I WILL NOT BE FORCED TO SAY NICE THINGS!**


	11. I listen to Katy Perry's TGIF and ET

AN: stfu k if udnt liek it dnt red it fuckers now go fk urslfs so tht u can leve me alon and i dnt hav 2 read ur shit ever agin ok. stfu and go bac 2 ur momys

**AN: STFU ok. If you don't like it, don't read it fuckers. Not go fuck yourselves so you can leave me alone and I don't have to read your shit ever again ok. STFU and go back to your mommies. **

::TAYS POVS:::

wtf wher was i was th first qwuerstionv tht acvm 2 my mind when it wok up.

"watr hapened 2 me?" **If 'where was I' was the first question on your mind, why not ask that? **i sakded

"ui cut ursel 2 much thn at hapen tay."** She should see a therapist. I can see it now: Your Life with A Therapist'. ** sum1 xad bac 2 me

"who tht fck r u?" io saked

"its me snape" **You're dead! STOP BRINGING PEOPLE BACK TO LIFE! IF JKR COULD KEEP SIRIUS, REMUS, TONKS AND DOBBY DEAD, YOU CAN KEEP SNAPE DEAD! **snaep said b ac 2 me

"omg wtf u agni!" isacred** I'd be braining him with something right now screaming "INFERI! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" **

"u brok me nad ron up!" **No, you broke up mutually. It was nothing to do with Snape's untimely demise. **isacredm agin geting mader and mader.

"fck u idot and gtf out og my lif" **He'll get out of your 'lif' but not your 'life'. Trust me, I know. **i sacremd bac 2 saape

"i jujst asaved ur oife 4 a second time and thniks is how u tasy thank uy?" **...That's up with 'just as I Draco kissed me passionately' for the stupidest sentence ever award. **i said 2 em

"ui dnt car if u save my lief **what's a lief? **u brok ron and me up" i sacremd agin.

"good" snaoe said bac

"stfu bastrard!" **Hang on, didn't you break up with Ron for saying that about Snape? Poor guy, it's hate-on-Snape-day isn't it? **i shutd and rn out of the rom b ujt b5 i culd ge out the dor closed in frnt of me

"omg wtf losr!" i scaredm 2 snape

"say thnk u" he asid bac 2 me

"no" i said bac 2 him** *yawn***

"say it" he said bac 2 me

"no" i sadi bnac 2 him agiain.

"thn u arnt geting out." snape said bac 2 me\

"wtf" i said abc 2 sanep** *sigh***

"u herd me" snaep bac 2 me

"fin thnnk u" i said bac 2 snape

"now let me out" i said 2 snape

"maybe" nsape said bac 2 me, he loked EVIL. ***more annoyed sigh***

"omg LET ME OUT!" i scaredm and baned the door realy hard. snape just laughed **SHUT UP I HAVE A BLOODY HEADACHE HERE!**

"omg wat do uy waent frm me?' i scarmed geting nruvous

"i dnt want anything frm u I JUST WNT U!" snaope said 2 me

"omg u sic bastart!"** You know, that may be true...Snape is sick, because he's in love with you!** i sacred 2 me na banged the dor louded.

"silencendo!" **To borrow Tara's expression: funky got a dude-ur-so-retarded face. "I hath telekinesis." **snaope scremad and i culdnt talk anymore.** YAY! **

"thner tht wil shut u up!" snape said nad then b4 i new it snape had trasnsfrmed into DUMBLEFOR!** What the hell?**

"OMG WTF?" **I kind of agree...Weird. **i scarmed 2 snpae who was now dumbldor** you just said that.**

"u thot i was god, **aw shit, I thought that Dumbles was god! But he made all the godly decisions and stuff...** but realy I WAS WRKING 4 VOLEMOT" **Um, aren't Dumbledore and the Big V working **_**against **_**one another? **dulbmordore sacredm bac 2 me

"OMG! HOW CN I B SO STIPID! **Genes? Or maybe you're just an inbred bitch? **SNAP IS DED!" **Thank god, he's not really alive. **i scarfemd

"yes u idoit tht was mny plan al along, SNAP NEVR COMITD SUIDIDE I KILED HIM" **Oooh, it's a Snape-kills-Dmbles-twist but the OTHER WAY AROUND! DUN DUN DUN! **dumbldor screamed bac 2 me

"omg u BASTARD!" i sarem bac 2 dumblodor

"hahahahah u idoti u fel rite in2 my trp!" dumblefor scremed 2 bac2 me. then he wealked 4ward 2wards me.** I think she used those together just to put numbers in.**

"omg wtf r u doni" i scarmed geting scared

"im gong 2 rap u!" he asid laghing** what was he going to rap? I hope it was something like 'Not Afraid' by Eminem. I love that song.**

"omg u sic bastrard!" i saremd** why, because he likes rapping? That's not nice! **

"hahahahah" he scramed evilyiy. then, rite wen he was about 2 rape me** no, he was about to rap you, you stupid, coot wearing bitch! **

"gtfo ur hands of my grlfrend!" ron screamed carging tru the door.** Weren't you just having a ménage a trios with Rose and Harry?**

"omg wtf!" dumbldor sreamed wen ron kikc him in his bals.** Ouch!**

"omg ron u saved me!" i scare3d** You know, because I can't be bothered doing anything apart from this, I'm listening to Katy Perry's TGIF (Last Friday Night). Have you seen the Peacock one? Damn, it's pretty bad...**

"im srry 4 beig a idot" i said 2 me** She said to herself? Why not say it to Ron?**

"i 3give u!" i said bac 2 him** okay, this is confusing me.**

"now lts get ut of her b4 he can trp us!" ron said and the 2 of us ran ut of the rom. We ran up 2 the grinfdor commum room.** Why? Aren't you both in Slytherin now?**

"omg rose awt r u donig here?" **wait, she hasn't scarpered by now? I would have. I mean, a Slytherin in a Gryffindor only place? **i said wen i asws rose and harry siting 2gether.

"nohtng" rose said guitily** Don't you hate it when people say 'nothing'? Because you're breathing and stuff...**

"omfg u where fcking harr!" i saredm** assuming makes an ass out of you and me. Plus, my playlist went onto Katy Perry's ET a bit ago. 'And be there when you vibrate', what kind of line is that?**

"u slut!" i scaredm agin.** That's rich!**

"i nver fcked harry!" rose scramed ay me** THAT WAS INCORRECT. YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK. GOODBYE.**

"stop ur fcking lis i hate cheters tht betry slitheruin!" **Didn't you do that? **i scaremd bac 2he

"wtf u dated ron!" he scaredm bac 2 me_**Pictures of last night, ended up online, I'm screwed...**_** Sorry. **

"bt we r sole mtes**) **an he siwthced 2 slithering 4 me btich" **isn't she, liek, your BFF? **i scaredm agin.

"fck u" she scaredm at me** Now, children...**

"fck U' i scarmed bac at her luded atan she scaremd at me.

"bitch' she scredmed

"no ur the bitch!" i scaredm** this is very childish...Usually, my friends and I's arguments end up with, on one memorable occasion, popcorn and melted marshmallow all over the place. And one of my friends' friends who hates me calls everyone lesbians. Not sure why she thinks it's an insult, maybe she's insecure about her own sexuality?**

"come on ron lets GO" **he can make up his own mind if he wants to go or not! **i scaredm 2 ron and tok him by theb hands and drtaged him out ofg theb grifnfor commum room.

"fck tht bitch" i scarmed nd me asnd on went outsid 4 a walk** just to walk? Fuming about stuff is awesomer. **

2 b ocntined (tell me wat u think i ur nice** I am not nice. So I'll say nothing. Until the next chapter's out.**)


	12. In which it's Halloween when it wrote it

an: omg sryr i nevr upated in ad whil i wasd awy with my fmaikyl onn avction but ikm bac now so i casn ipdatye!

JHAPPY HALOLWEEN! omg r u eited! im going tircvk or tresting tonignt 4 sure ! watbut u?

so hates if u hav sujmthing men 2 say DNT SAY ITS TERATRD! Ok u pplz r stupi and i dnt want 2 her frm u gin? got it? GOODE! STFU AND LEV ME ALON! i dnt even red most of ur reviwes vecuz they r 2 lon anyewy so u r weastibng ur tim. just say 'i liek it' if u like it. if u dnt like it then STUF.

**AN: Oh my god, sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I was away with my family on vacation, but I'm back now so I can update! **

**Happy Halloween! Oh my god are you excited! I'm going trick or treating tonight for sure. What about you? (Why is she asking?)**

**So haters, if you have something mean to say, don't say it retards! (She goes from trick-or-treating to calling people 'retarded'. Wow.) You people are stupid and I don't want to hear from you again. Got it? Good. Stuff you and leave me alone. I don't even read most of the reviews because they are too long anyway, (and that doesn't make you sound stupid **_**at **_**all) so you are wasting your time. Just say "I Like It" if you like it. (Has she never heard of constructive criticism?) If you don't like it, then Stuff You. (I just got stuffed.)**

XOX

em and ron strormed ut of the agreat hal adn outjidde. **How do you spell 'me' wrong? **then we walekd over 2 a tre. then we fund the secrt pat uner the tre and wenrt undfer it. **Does she mean the Whomping Willow? **then we wher einv a buldig of sum tipe.** The Shrieking Shack, maybe?**

"where the bfck r we?" ron sai 2 me

"stuf" i said bac 2 ron** Let's translate that, shall we: Ron says: Where the fuck are we? Tay (if it is even Tay) says back: stuff.**

**...**

"tel me where whee at!" ron scaremed bc2 me** I'm screaming from reading this.**

"in hogmed" i sad bac 2 ron

"o" ron said bac 2me

"yes so stuf now" i scarmed bac 2 ron** 'yes so stuff now'? Eh?**

"k" he asud bac 2 me

me and ron sdat therb 4 a whil becuz we hasd nothibng beter 2 do tbut then finaly we got baord. **You know, I'm going to let you in on a mini spoiler for the next in the series: DO NOT READ AHEAD IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SPOILERS AND STUFF! **_**I will be deliberately trolling, hehe. **_it was as long time under fiomnaly ron said sumthing

"aty i hav 2 tel u sumthing" ron siad 2 me

"wat" i sadi bac 2 ron

'i aslo fcked rose" eron said bac 2 me** Well, that's...blunt.**

"OMG U FCKING BASTWER **what the hell is that? **REBERTAYER OMG GO JKIL URSELF!" i scaredm. th ni ran iout of the builing we where ikn na outhb 2 hogmds nd 2 the candy shot. **To...the CANDY SHOT! **tjhen i tok a opil of candy and te it al. then i rembered!

"OMFG ITS HALOWEN!" i scaredm thn the perosn eho owned the candy shotp cam out. sh toikld me becu it was ghaloween i culd take as much cnandy as i wanted!** That is **_**totally**_** not what happens on Halloween. Actually, sweets and chocolate probably go up in price because people will be buying it, and the shops and markets want to make more money.**

"omg tak this u fckin bastrd rion and u slut rose!" **Eh? That makes no sense...But neither does this. **i scaredm. the candh owner tol me 2 tfu tho so i had to stop srambed. i rhen tok a hole vbunh of andy **Poor Andy **and aais thnk u andthen wallk bac 2 hogwrts eith my candty.** Um...Let's pretend we understood that, shall we?** hen i got 2 hogwast i remberde thre was a fest so i nwet 2 the great hal and saw the rfeat. thta dslut rose, tht bastrad hary adn tht toerh basdtsrd ron. i sat by mself andb uesd a poket nife 2 cut muyself uner the table.** I doubt it's that easy. When I got this allergy, blood filled spots came up on my legs and they would burst randomly, and everyone noticed when one burst because there was a tonne of blood (I still have the scars from both the bursting and the teasing). **thnh i loked up. SDUIBMKLDEDOR WA SUITING AT H EFRONT OF THE ROOM.** Well, that's where teachers usually sit, at the front of the room.**

"OMG DUBMDOR IS VIL!" I SCRAEDM** Seriously? I thought it was a Halloween joke.**

"wtf" evry1 els trned 2 loked at me** Well, it is pretty random.**

"stfu he stried 2 kil me 2day!" i saremed** And it was so important you went to Hogsmeade? **

"lire!" thy al shuyted at me

"ron tel mtem!" i scaredm** bad move, asking someone who you've just had a fight with to back you up.**

"i dnt no wat u r taing abut" ron sacred bac 2 me** And she **_**does**_**?**

"tay tht was a haloween prnk!" dubmlefore said bac 2 me

'o" i said bac. i tue tht maks sense. **Eh? Trying to kill someone is not a JOKE! Attempted murder is serious, people. **then i saw snae

"OMG WT FSNAPE IS THER 2?" i scare

"snapoe inly petrended 2 die 4 a haloween prnk 2" dumblddor said agn 2 me.** OH FOR GOD'S SAKE DECIDE IF SNAPE IS DEAD OR ALIVE OR DUMBLEDORE IS BAD OR GOOD! AND STICK TO IT! This has more plot holes then Twilight...(sorry, Twilight lovers, but it's true.)**

"o!" i said thn i at um of the fest. evry1 else atet 2 the frst of the fest then we ad 2 go to b ed.** No mention of your mistake...I'd have thought the rumour mill would be going 100 mph by now...** i loked over 2 rose nd noiced tht wshe was goingn 2 up2 the grindfior commum room wutb ron and hrry.** I don't think she's allowed to do that...**

"slutr!" i sacremebd andb ran don 2 the slitherin commum room by myself. hen i got teer i used my rasor blide 2 cut myseklf. **Oh for god's sake, not again...**i was so amd at evry1. no1 liekd me anymreo. i kep cuing and cuting. itb hrt mor an mor but ui nevrf noticed.

"I HTE MY LIEF" i sacrembed cuting agin and agin

"NO1 LIKES ME!" i scaremd agin and cuter deper into me.

"I WANT 2 DI!" i scarmed agin cuting ever deping htis time. then eerything wetn fuzzy.

"OMG NOT AGIN!" i shted b4 fanting. **I think it is happening again...wish it wasn't.**

:RONS PIV:

omg i fel so bad now becuz i jsut had sexc withb ros eaign evn thoi love tay. **THEN WHY HAVE SEX WITH ROSE? **this is so stupid. sehb enve4r even lsiten 2 me. but i no i stl love her! i just no it! and she luvs me 2! i siad

"FUC U ROS"** That's nice!** and then ran down 2 tbe slithering commum rom.

"TAY TAY I AM HER!" **Who's her? Ron? **i shotued but no1 answered."TAY!" i shted agin. i ran in2 her room.

"OMFG!" i scaremd. tay wea s laying on the flor with in a pil of blood. i pikced her up adnd took here 2 the hosptial rom wher the nruse gav her a potion** hopefully bandaged her wrists, too!**

"shel b ok" thje norse said 2 me.

'good" i said bac 2 the nourse.** Get her some counselling, Madame Pomphrey! **

"she jut neds a bit of res" the nurse adi bac 2 me

"il stay witg her" i sdid bac 2 the nurse.

"gret" the nurse saud vbc 2 me.** Who or what is 'gret'?**

so i stod ther and w3atch tay sleep.** Just gonna stand there and watch me sleep, but that's alright because I like the way you creep...(to the tune of 'Love the Way you Lie, part one', and nicked from a photo of Edward Cullen watching Bella Swan-or should I say Mary Sue- so all credit goes to whoever thought of it.)** this was al my fault. if i nevr slept witbh rose thenb tay wuldh av evrn cut herslf and evrything wuld be okay aign. i wated wth tay for a cuple hors. then, i loked outside hte widow. thts when i saw dubmelfort and sape entering harigds hut.** So, it's a fort made of dumbbells and sap? Cool. **

"wtf r thy doing?" i saidb it was like 4 in the norning.

they wher trying 2 opn up the door 2 hagrids hut. then i ntoiced harids sleiping otu the bac of his hut into hte forbidn foret. jus wen he was out of the site dubmdlefor and snape finaly got theb dor open. the scarembed wen they saw hagrids was gone.** Well, that made no sense.**

"OMFG SNAP AND DUMBDLEOFR R EVIL!" **Not necessarily, Hagrid's evil twin 'Harid' could be evil and they could be hunting him down. **i sared. it wasnt a haloween prnk after all.** Oh my god, stop going on about Halloween. I KNOW it's the day Harry's parents died, but seriously, they're just using it to play jokes and blame stuff on people. Not cool, dude. Not cool.**

"wqat am i going 2 do?" i sacmrbed agin. just then tay wok up.** She cooked with a wok? I like doing that. It's fun.**

"OMG TAY WE HAV 2 SAV HAGRISD!" i scaredmed.** "OMG RON SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She screamed back. Ron hurried over to where they kept The Fuck. **

"**Hush, sweetie," he hushed The Fuck. **

**...I'm going insane from this story. But I was insane anyway...**

"why?" tay scared** the pants off funky when she said something. (Her voice is scary! It's all Mary-Suey.)**

"beczu snap and dumbldoefor and trying 2 kill him!" i sacermed agin.

"**Mr. Weasley, I will not have you disturbing my patient," said Madame Pomphrey.**

"**Yes, ma'am." And Harid got caught, put on trial for his wrongdoings and Mary Sue and Gary Stu got married and then died. The end.**

"OMG LETS SO!" tay sscarmewd and 2gethre we ran 2 hagids hut!** She is in no condition to be running around saving people! This is so unrealistic...**

2 b contienduy (lev NICE COMENTS!** NO.**)

HAPPY HASLLOWEEN! **It's my favourite time of year. Even though it's not Halloween when I'm writing this, it may be when someone's reading it. Oh, that's a weird thought...**

_Hi guys,_

_I could give you some half-cocked story and excuses as to why I haven't updated. But I won't. But I'll tell you this: we're nearing the end of Your Life With Ron Weasley. Please review._

_Lots of love, sunshine and a Matt Smith poster (he's smoking hot in my opinion! He can be my Doctor any time! *wiggles eyebrows* Nah, I'm not that bad, but he's still hot. And a very good actor), _

_funky xxxxxxxxxx_

_PS: Only a few more chapters to go! And then I'll work on the sequel: SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! An Attempt at Trolling by a Weirdo or something like that. Basically, I'll make up a story, a Mary Sue troll story. It will not be a serious attempt at a good piece of literature. _


	13. In Which I diss the wimpsI mean vampires

An: omg i m so sry i havnt wriet anything foer the las WEAK! i awes stating 2 get bord fo the dstry and i thout asbut ending it but id wecied nt 2 becuz i liek it and i have ides on ho 2b contine it!

**AN: Oh my god, I'm so sorry I haven't written anything in the last week. I was starting to get bored with the story and I thought about ending it but decided not to because I like it (If you like this, I'd hate to see what stories you DON'T like!) and I have ideas on how to continue.**

XOX

"hagrjd deds ot help!" **Huh? **i scaremed 2 ron

"omwtf?" **You know, that's kind of what I feel like right now, random babble. **raon scrambed bac 2 me

"we hv 2 go save him!" i scaremed bac 2 ron.

soi then me nand ron ran ot 2 hawtgrids huase in teb outisde ofb thne castle we aw tht nape ansd dubmlrfor wer atcking Hagrid** um, wasn't he in the forbidden forest? **

" IT U RETQS!" **What is that supposed to be? **I scaremd runing up to them.

"AVDRA KADSVA!" scanremdf 2 me but his soprl mised nme and hitb as tre behindbn mne instedf.** Oh my god...I think...No, it's not. I am secure in my belief.**

"lol ur naidot!" **I have no idea what she meant to say. **i scaremd 2 snaope who eran at me.** My belief is still not shaken...Okay, it is. I think she might be trying to...no, please don't let that be it...**

"no!" i scamrfed and dron pujnch snape inb the nuts **Okay! She's trying to write a fight scene! Nononononononono! This is so bad it's **_**painful**_**! **

"mmtherfucjker!" snaeo scaremd 2 ron** Shut UP!**

"retartd" ron scaremebd bac 2 snape** It's a pity they can't hear me, but SHUT UP anyway!**

"shth UP!" dujbmledor said** Thank you!**

"get the fuc aweyt frm her TYA!" hagirf yeld 2 me** huh?**

"ok!" i sacmed and ran intol the forbind foest!** You were meant to already be there!** i keptrunikgn **huh? **and rinin becbz i was sdosv scare dthast dubmelfr and nsdape wher gogin 2 kol me. i ketol runikngb ujhtil u nkt realikzed tht ron was sdtil ther. **You're pretty stupid.**

"OMG!" i saremd and sturned around and rhan back

"avda kafvad" i scamred adn ptined the my wnadb at snae and dumbleofr and it hit them int he ntus**. I, having the dubious pleasure of being female (seriously, we have bleeding and pain to deal with once a month, and breasts get in the way of laying on your front when you're trying to sleep and having babies looks painful) have never been kicked in the nuts, but I have heard it hurts. A lot. **and they did.** And they did what?**

"omg u savd mne ay!" rin said adn he aern over 2 kis me** awwwh. Sickening.**

"no prbm!" i siad bac 2 ron **...That's romantic...**

"we hvs 2 run" hgird said 2 theb both of me tbnad ron.

"swhy?" i said bac 2 hagerid

"becu volmdmart wil no u kied dumblkforna dna snaeop and jhel wnt 2 koll u 2!" **and to me, that looks like a jumble of rubbish. **hagird bac said 2 me

"OMG NO!" iscarmed adn rstarted 2 cry** what? You try to kill yourself so much so why not be pleased at the idea of it actually happening?**

"dbtn wrry il portct u tayr" ron said vb2 me** Excuse me? Women are more than capable of protecting themselves, thank you very much! *mutters* sexist pig.**

"thnx!" i saidb sotping to cry and ghugin ron.

"mno problem" ron adi bac 2 me bklushing.** Oh my god, just kill her to get this over with. (By the way, I'm listening to Lady Gaga's Monster. Love that song!) **

"do u hav any friends u want 2 vav 2?" ** To vav to? Huh? **hagrd said 2 us

"yes!" I scaremd

"rose!"

"and hry' hary said!** "And Harry," Harry said. Wow. That's stupid.**

"oky u bhav 2 go nad get rhtem!" hagri sadi 2 us

"ok we wil!" i scarmed abd me and ron weran ba c23 up 2 ht ecastkle **like Eccles cakes? **2 find eorse nad hary. theyb wher in the grindor comun rom pyng cheker.** I think you mean Wizard's Chess, Tay. Oh my god, I just thought of something: Evil Ebony and Terrible Tay! Check out the alliteration! Fabulous funky! Oh, I'm just **_**that**_** good.**

"we hav 23 ron awy vodemot is comign!" i samred

"omg " rorse said bac 2 me

"lts so!" hary scared** No, he'd be like, "Let me go out and protect everyone" because that's the heroic (read: idiotic) man he is.**

theb ther of us rabn dwn 2 hagrid agan.

"o k we ary reding bargid " i sadi 2 arg id** 'Arg ID'? What, is she an identity thief or something? **

"god" he hnsaid bac 2 e

"whr r we gonig?" said rose 2 ahrigd

"te forbidebn forts!"** It's a magical place, made of chocolate. Terrible Tay and Rubbish Rose and Hairy Harry and Ridiculous Ron wouldn't like it.** harigd said 2 rose

"omg no!" i sacrmed

"tht plce is dngerous!" ron scrmed** Would you rather be bitten by a werewolf or something or die? (I'd take the werewolf, but if it was sparkly vampires...well, I'd go for Villainous Voldemort.) **

"its the olnlyn p;alceb we r safe!" hafrirdsadi.** Without any proper punctuation, I see. *frowns and tsks* **

"k lets go!" hatyh said.

2 b comntieued! (LEV NICE COMENTERS THIS TIE RETARSD AND MNAKE THME SHRT!) **I think that babble means: leave nice comments this time retards and make them short. (Ain't she dumb?)**


	14. In Which it's weird

Alina's Note:

Hey, guys. So, as you all may, or may not know today (Nov. 9th) is my sister (Tamara)'s birthday! She is turning 13. **Okay, I'm fourteen and I could write better when I was like eight or something. I have evidence. **For a birthday present I decided to write a chapter for her :) Now, all I did (well am going to do :P) is type exactly was she says. No changes. It'll be her words, but I'll just type them out for her, to make it a bit easier! Hope you all appreciate it, **we do. Trust us, we do. **and Happy Birthday Tamara! You're officially a teenager now :)** I think this may be used as evidence of Tamara really being a troll. On the bright side, I don't have to try to figure out what the hell her author notes say.**

Author's Note:

Happy Birthday to me! It's my birthday, SO DON'T SAY ANY MEAN THINGS. Thank you, Alina, for writing the story out for me, I really appreciate it. Now all you retards can STFU about my bad spelling okay. I don't want any bad comments about this chapter. **I wonder how "Alina" feels about her sister using nasty language.**

XOX

Me, Hagrid, Ron, Harry, and Rose all ran into the forbidden forest. It was dark and I was scared. I grabbed onto Ron for comfort and he put his arm around me. It was really coot.** I thought that was just bad spelling...Oh my god, this family is stupid. We must prevent them from entering the gene pool! Quickly, grab you're scalpels people! We shall carve out their reproductive organs!...I went a little insane there, didn't I? **

"I'll protect you Tay." He said to me.

"Thanks." I said back.** No, you should have said "I can protect myself" like any modern, independent woman.**

"No problem" Ron said back to me.

"Shut up!" Hagrid said to us. **He's annoyed that you keep saying idiotic things and thinks the 'official teenager' should be able to think of something better. **

Me, Hagrid, Rose, Harry, and Ron all kept walking. The forest was getting darker.** No shit.**

"Hagrid where the hell are we going?" Screamed Rose.

"Be quiet!" Screamed Hagird** I swear, in some parts of the world, people have begun mating with **_**vegetables. **_**This family is a prime example. Only one was affected by the carrot father, while the other...practically a pea. Only not green. Or round. Or squishy. Or tasty.**

"Make me!" Rose screamed back. Harry kicked her.** Serves her right.**

"Oww WTF Harry?" Rose screamed to Harry.

"Shut up!" Harry screamed back.

"Make me!" Rose screamed back to Harry.** Oh SHUT UP!**

"Will you just shut up?" I screamed to Rose.

"Fine." He screamed.** Since when was Rose a he? And more importantly, how did Alien Alina keep a straight face while typing this out? I can't help but laugh **_**reading**_** it.** We kept walking through the forest. Hagrid lead us to a cave.** They've copied Sirius Black's idea! Bitches...**

"We will have to hide in here." Hagrid said to us.

"Why?" I said to Hagrid.

"Because Voldemort will be looking for us now that you killed Snape and Dumbledore." Hagrid said back to me.** This feels familiar...déjà vu. **

"Oh!" I said back to Hagrid.

"But why can't we just kill Voldemort too?" Rose said.**...That is an excellent idea.**

"WTF are you retarded Rose?"I screamed.** Terrible Tay doesn't agree, apparently.**

"What?" Rose screamed back.

"Voldemort is evil, we can't just kill him!" I screamed back to Rose.

"Well why not?" Rose screamed back to me.

"**BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KILL YOU AND THAT MAKES HIM OKAY IN MY BOOK!" Screamed Hagrid. **

"Because he'll kill you before you kill him." Harry screamed to Rose.** Aw shucks, they have a reason for everything.**

"Oh." Rose said and she shut up.** Thank god.**

"You all have to keep quiet." Hagrid said to us.

"Why?" Rose said to Hagrid.

"Because someone will head us idiot." Ron screamed to Rose.** He just told her WHY THEY HAD TO BE QUIET! AND THAT MEANS NO SCREAMING! **

"Who is out here to hear us?" Rose screamed back to Ron.** For god's **_**sake**_**...**

"I don't know!" Ron screamed back to Rose.

"Shut up!" Screamed Hagrid. Ron and Rose shut up.** Thank god.**

Me, Ron, Harry, Rose, and Hagrid all spent the night in the cave. It was really cold because we didn't have a fire. Hagrid tried to make one but he was too stupid to figure out how,** Okay, that is IT. I call first dibs on their deaths. ** so we sat without a fire for the whole night.

"OMG it was cold last night!" I said.

"I know!" Rose said back to me.

"I was cold too." Harry said.

"Me too!" Ron said to Harry.

"I wasn't!" Hagrid said to us. We all laughed, **why? I don't think he was trying to be funny...**but then I got depressed.

"I miss Hogwarts." I said.

"Me too." Rose said back to me.

"Me three." Ron said.

"Me four." Harry said.

Me, Harry, Ron, and Rose began to cry in the cave. Hagrid left because we were annoying him. **And you weren't before?**

"Where did Hagrid go?" I said.

"He left." Harry said.

"Oh!" I said back to Harry.

"Where did he go?" Rose said.

"I don't know." Ron said back to Rose.** Isn't it obvious? Away from you!**

Hagrid came back later that day with good news.

"OMG! Guys, we can go back to Hogwarts now! It's safe."** Wait, so we sat through TONNES of whining for THAT? **Hagrid said to us.

"OMG! Yes!" I screamed.

"YES!" Rose Scream.

Harry and Ron screamed 'YES!" too.

Me, Hagrid, Ron, Harry, and Rose all walked back to Hogwarts together.** Good for you.**

"I want to go to bed, in a proper bed." I said.

"Me too." Rose said.

"Same." Harry said.

"Me too." Ron said.

Me, Harry, Ron, and Rose all walked down to the Slytherin common room and went to sleep on the beds in there. We were very tired. But, the next day we knew we had school so we had to go to bed because if you go to bed later before a school day than you will be tired during school. _**Never.**_** Dumbass...**

"Goodnight!" I said to Harry, Ron, and Rose.

Everyone else said goodnight too and we all went to bed.

Tamara: To be continued! (Only nice comments because it`s my birthday. I DON`T WANT ANY MEAN COMMENTS!)

Alina: Happy Birthday again Tamara!** Let's sing her a happy birthday, hey guys? Altogether now:**

_**Happy birthday to you,**_

_**Your writing is shit,**_

_**Hagrid's gonna kill you soon,**_

_**And we all want to watch.**_

_**YAY!**_

**Aren't I clever? **


	15. In which it's the end for YLWRW forever

**Welcome, dear readers, to the last chapter of Your Life with Ron Weasley. But, I will, like with My Immortal with Commentary by a Weirdo, post a letter at the end. Keep a lookout for the sequel! **

ab: ok so u pplz whre stil 2 rtasded last pat VEN THO MY SITER ALIKNA WOTE IT SO ITS WUDL BE SPET RITE RETATS.

u plz r clry jelus of my stioer or sumthn becuz ur acintng RETARED and stopid and idotic. oky so stfu ifu dnt liek my stry becuz ITS MYN STOY and ITS MYEN. ok. get tHT THRU UR RETARTED HEDS!

si UF Y DNT WANT REED MY STRY GTFO AND LEV BECUAZ U DNT HAV 2 RED IT AT ALL ADBN UR WATING UR TIME WITHN REDANIG IF IF U DNT LEIK IT. NOOT MIEN!

**AN: Ok. So you people were still (I have no idea what she tried to say here. Retarded?) last part even though my sister Alikna wrote it so it would be spelt right. (She can't spell her sister's name. Oh, that's bad.)**

**You people are really jealous of my sister or something because you're acting retarded and stupid and idiotic. (Well I thing you are being repetitive and repetitious and repetitious.) So Stuff you if you don't like my story because it's my story and it's mine. (Because I think you are annoying and irritating.) Ok? Get it though your retarded heads! (I really thing you need to see a therapist or something.)**

**So if you don't want to read my story then get the fuck out and leave (Are you trying to be repetitive? You have been doing it a lot this chapter.) because you don't have to read it at all and you are wasting your time reading this if you don't like it. Not mine.**

XOX

whne i wok upo the next moning i said

"FUCB I HAVE FUCING CLASS TODY!" i scarmed it weok ron up and hne then he yelked at me for beng 2 luod.

"sry." i siad bac 2 ron

"its ok" he said bac 2 me** well, that's a real attention grabber.**

theb 2 of us gort redy and then toke a showder 2gether. (WE ALRDY SAW ECH OTHER NAEKD SO IT IS OK THT WE R DOIGN THIS. WE DINT HAV SEX IN THE SHOWR BNECUZ THT IS GROSE!**...You wrote a tonne of disturbing shit in this story and Shower Sex grosses you out? You're **_**weird.**_) os then fter the ashower me andb ron wetn donstares of the slithern commum room. pplz stred at ron menly becuz he was a grifbndor.** I thought he transferred to Slytherin?**

"STPO STARING" i scredmed 2 these pplz so then thney stopedf staring at us and ron becuz they wer retarted(KINFG OF LIKE THEB PPLZ WHO COMENT ON M STRY VERVY SDINGLE FUCING TIME LIEKM IDOTS THT THEY R. COFH COFH_**very**_** subtle. (Cue sarcastic applause.)**)

"these pplz r stopid lets go 2 the gret hall." i scai 2 ron

"k" he sadi bac 2 me** I'm going to sleep now. **

so hten me and ron wealked don 2 the gret hall and we havd breckfast. i had tost withb buter and lucy scharms cerial. then i had a glase of mlik to drik with itadn then i had a poptert adn then i had a fglase of ornge juce afte rtht. it was realy god becuz gbreckgast is my favurt meel of the day. (AND ITS THE MOST IMNPROTNANT SO MAK SUR U ET IT!) **Oh, that should be an advert. The girl who throws toast at a 'grosse' boy who has bad skin the voice of Kellogg's. **

after i wated 4 ron 2 finshed (becuz he is a vry slow eter!** *snort* It is commented in the books how much he eats and how quickly he eats it**) the 2 of us wealked oujtside and went to sit by the kicy tree tht hurts pplz. **The Whomping Willow?**

"i bet u r 2 scared 2 go in hte secert pasageway under the men tre." ron said 2 me

"wtf no" i srceamed bac 2 ron

"thebn GO" ron scramed bac 2 me

"I WIL!" i scarmed bac 2 ron "GOOD" ron scaredme bac 2 me **this really doesn't seem like a healthy relationship... **and thn i went ujop 2 teb tree adn went in2 the secert pasage way liek in the movie whebn harry and herminoe jump ovre the tre and stuf but mr and ron sditn have 2 do tht becuz we wher smart enugh 2 do it smartly ybliek hermoine and hary becuz hermoine is a retart and hary is stopi.** A 'retart'? Oh, I get it! A cross between a retard and a tart.**)

so wen me and ron whre i the pasage we walkde thru it al the way untli the old house tht hary ron hermoie sirus and lopin and the rat tht turned into a perosn wherin and then ron said

'i want 2 hav sex wiht u" ron said 2 me

"i want 2 hav sex with y!" I SCARMED BAC 2 RON

sothen me an dron and sex on thre flore **so, sex in a house that belongs to nobody you know and is all drafty and stuff is okay, but not in the shower? **od tje old house plac adn we kisde and it was vry vry hot and ron was reely hot becuz he had abs and stuf and ther hot!

so aftre we finshed havng sex sum1 popd out of the cutin.

"i am rperting u 2 dumblfor!" the boiec caled** eh?**

"omg wtf snaep!" i scraedm

"stfu tau" he scarmed bac

and tbe snaep ran ut of the hose plca and me and ron whe letf alon. i stated 2 cru becuz i was nervus tht em and and orn wuld b gong 2 get in truble.

"dnt cry tay" ron said 2 me adn hs voice made me sntop crying.

"but wher going 2 b in truble" i scarmed 2 ron

"not if we cathc csnape!" ron scarmed

so then me adnb ron ran thru the secert pasage and ran aftre snap. we cought up 2 him becuz heb was vry slow and ron used tht spel tht shots the persons wadn out of ther hands._** Expelliarmus**_** maybe?** so snaeps wadn was shot otu of his bhadns.

"omg" he scamred

"thts rite snaep!" ron scaremed

"BNASTARD!" he scaredm

me adn ron thn teyhed snape up 2 a pol in the wal of the scert pasage.** Everything bad happens there, doesn't it?** and ron siad he wuldnt b abel 2 get out and snape sa scarmeding and i was lahging becuz snape was and idot and stuf. so then me and ron wakled bac up 2 the pasage btu sdubmledor was blocing up 2 oru way.

"brgin me 2 sanep" he scarmed 2 us and we got rely scaered so ron led dumbdledor 2 snaep wh owas stiled tid up to the pole.** I thought he was tied up to a wall?**

"OMFG WTF HAV U DNOE HIM!" scaremed dubmdlrodor

"they whre having sex!" scaredm snape

"STFU SNAEP!" i scarmed.

"SEX IS AGINST THE RUELS!" dumbldoefr scarmed 2 me and ron.

"srry!" ron scarmed and i scaremed it 2 by dubmdlordor loked rely mad and told ron ad i 2 go bac ujp 2 the casle wile he thught up a good pnishment 4 us becuz of wat we had don. so when we got up 2 the casle i began 2 cry becujz i was rely scared and mad and upest and ron wa s an idot 4 thrnking of tying up snaep.** You agreed.**

"UR AN IDIOOT!" i scared me rln and eran up 2 my bed and loked the door and then stared 2 cut my rist. but thn i remberd wht hapened last tiem and i stopd but it was rely hadr 2 becuz i was realy mad. so insted i took a picutre of ron and usd my raosr to stratch it alot until he loked stopid amd uglty.** You see, that's a good outlet.**

2 b continuend! 9stfu if u dnt liek it reastrds!) **I got stuffed once more.**

_So, that's it. Expect the thanks and the letter up soon, and the sequel will be up as soon as I feel I can begin it. I have other stories to focus on now, as this is done and they're not. Actually, I'm thinking of putting them on hiatus, but maybe not. I don't know yet. I'll try and work with them. _

_Please review!_

_Lots of love, moonbeams and a lovely Lady Gaga CD, funky xxxxxx _


	16. My Letter to you: the epilogue

_**Dear Tamara, **_

_**First on the list of things to mention is: **__**THE SPELLING, PLOT AND IDEAS BEHIND IT.**_

_**Honey, worse spellers than you have succeeded in publishing something readable. They use something called spell-check, and check the books. Some (like myself) think of fanfiction as something to stretch the creative wings, to improve upon planning and plot without having to create a whole new world, but you obviously do not. Others (also like myself) love the books, but dislike how some things worked out, or key events, or JK Rowling's explanation of things, so they wish to improve them or just put their own spin on things. Again, this is something you don't do.**_

_**What I think is this: you just wanted to go out with Ron Weasley or Rupert Grint or both, so you created 'Tay' to do this for you. You wanted to become a witch, but somewhere along the way you got lost and made this story into something so bad, it's My Immortal's child.**_

_**Second on the list of things is: **__**INSULTS TO THE READER, THE ORIGIONAL CAST AND THE SEXUAL THEMES.**_

_**When you began this story, you were twelve years old. I personally think that that is a little bit too young to try to write smut, and insult people how you did. I'm not going to be all "Oh you're much too young for knowing about sex" but I think that right now, you shouldn't be worrying about it! And some of the insults read: 'Hermione is a retard'? 'Harry is stupid'? 'You are all retarded'? Did you know the definition of 'retarded' is to be held back, so it's not that big an insult if you only look at the meaning of it. The intent is where it goes nasty. **_

_**Third on my list is: **__**CONSTANT SELF-HARM.**_

_**I am not a bad human being. I do not wish you harm (or much, anyway...) no matter what I have said in my comments. If you are truly cutting or considering suicide, please tell someone. I have been in a dark place myself, but I know now life has the ups and the downs, but in the ups it is rich and wonderful. There is lots to live for.**_

_**Overall, I pity you. This 'Commentary by a Weirdo' series has shown me that no matter how bad the stories, you should look deeper into the message behind them. But I do not feel bad for mocking them. Not one bit. I am not mocking you, I am laughing at them. And they are pretty bad.**_

_**I won't lie and say 'love', so I guess it's just:**_

_**From, funky. **_


	17. Thank yous

_**MANY THANKS TO:**_

_**EmilyBennett-Martin**_

_**Heart-Of-Flames-Soul-OF-Ice**_

_**Christina-Tears**_

_**Anniriel**_

_**forbiddenluv**_

_**Lalala223**_

_**Katie the Insane Giggler**_

_**And one reviewer who has chosen to remain anonymous.**_

_**May I thank you all for reading, reviewing and making my life that little bit better. Reviews are love. I demand lots of them. **_

_**Well, see you later in An Attempt At Trolling by a Weirdo! Love, funky xxxxxxx**_


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